An Angry Leftist Speaks

I was watching the local news last night, camped out at the RNC and listened to a delegate comment that Bush's speak was non-partisan. Where does referring to his opposition and their supporters as the angry left fit into non-partisan? I mean really.

Full disclosure: I consider myself an independent, not a democrat so I have bones to pick there too.

The hubby and I have been chatting a bit about the whole media circus, not just surrounding our fair cities this week due to the RNC, but, in general. How media controls politics and politics controls media. Where is the truth? Will the average Joe ever really understand the platform of the candidates? Do the candidates even understand their platforms? It's getting tiresome and we've got a few more months left of ad campaigns and mudslinging. As grateful as I am to live in a country where a) I CAN VOTE, b) I have a choice and c) ad campaigns are aired, I do get tired of them once they start getting into the crap-slinging. (Perhaps I am already jaded b/c the senate race here started on that note from day one....)

And don't get me started on the protesting fiasco happening in SP. A normally mundane piece of land has turned into chaos, so media outlets report. As an angry-leftist-independent I am all about free speech and all about giving people the opportunity to express their opinion. I do live in the camp that a peaceful, thoughtful and articulate protest gains a lot more credible attention than violent actions. When violence comes into play I draw the line. When you deface an innocent individual's property and suck other people into violence who were there protesting in peace, we are no longer on the same side. Stay the hell away from me and don't you dare try to explain to me why you are justified in defacing and destroying innocent people's property in the name of your 'cause'. You do not represent me.

Mini-Vacation

We had a good mini-vacation last week. We went up north with my family and spent 3 days at the town home we rent. A good time was had by all, although sleeping in the same room as your toddler who moves around like a madwoman is not as easy as I thought it would be. And I learned some new entertainment techniques on our last 2 hours of the car ride up. 

Claire tried many new things which you can check out here. We lucked out by swinging into Duluth just in time to join Carrie & Dahlia for a walk along the lake. It was great to have a chance to hook up with Carrie and her adorable, good natured babe. 

In other news, our nanny started today. It seems like things went well. Claire was a bit needy this morning and I feared for the worst. But her dad called me at work and said she went back down for a nap at 8am. She hasn't taken a nap that early since she was a baby :). Apparently the weekend wore her out more than we thought. Our nanny said she was surprised by how well Claire did today and was impressed by her mellow nature. I swear it has all to do with her sleeping pattern. Now, if I can just get her to sleep in until 7am.... 

The Beetles Ate It All

I am slowly becoming a maniac. I despise Japanese beetles with a vengeance now. They came back last month and within 3 weeks deforested the linden tree again. Pete tried a nasty all-natural option sometime during week two of their encampment (Jerry Baker's Beetle mix) that involved dead beetles, water and spraying the tree. We think more may have landed on the him than the tree. Didn't work. No dent in their gorging. In fact, I think they went through the tree faster this year than they have in the past. When they were at their peak we could shake a tree branch and it appeared like the Apocalypse was coming. These beetles aren't very bright (no beetle is, I understand people, you get my point) and it should be easy to remove them but when there are literally hundreds and hundreds on your tree. It's daunting.

Since there is nothing left to eat in our yard they have moved on. On a walk the other night I counted 14 Bag-a-Bugs. Great. Now all the damn beetles east of the Mississippi are going to come to our neighborhood. FYI, most of these bags are about 1/4 full and since they use pheromones they actually do end up attracting more beetles.

The only really good thing about these bags are that they catch the horny bastards before they can lay their grubs. ALL these bugs do is eat and get it on. They are constantly laying on one another. It's like an orgy in our back yard. Yeesh. Birds and bees should be retitled to 'beetle-on-beetle'.

What really bites is once they come there doesn't appear to be a non-toxic method of removal. You can spray your tree/plant with dish soap but it doesn't stop them from coming back. And have you ever tried spraying a 40' tree? It would be easier to climb the house and spray from the roof! I already removed the grape vine that was also infested (planned to remove it anyway) and we've debated removing the tree but that seems silly.

I feel bad because I think that if we had found out where they laid their grubs last year and done something to remove/kill the grubs, perhaps the neighborhood wouldn't be infested to this degree. Who knows. I don't remember them being here the first year we lived in this house so we have no idea what brought them to this little enclave on the east side. Urgh.

Curses.

Please tell me why...

this person is only serving minimal time.

Beautiful Babe

Welcome Hazel Marie

Hazel Marie Dufresne arrived this morning at 6:30am (ish) weighing in at 7lbs 4 oz. Not sure on length, apparently she has black curly hair. Heading over tonight to see mom & the new babe. Congrats to the Dufresne clan!

Darn it all

We didn't get in to the TC10. If you could, you would hear the sarcasm dripping off my words as I tell you just how disappointed I am.

Nanny search

OK. After one night of sleep which amounted to a whopping 2 hours, it dawned on me (no pun intended) that I am having serious issues with the daycare thing. Since Ms. C was denied her RSV shots last year she has one more year to go before she has moved out of the 'high risk' area. The idea of putting her in a daycare.... yeah, right. It goes beyond that issue, alone, but I haven't the energy to post why it bothers me so. I think it has a lot to do with not having found the 'right' place yet.

So, the nanny search has begun. To keep Claire from being overexposed to germs, we will pony up the money and get a nanny. I have a couple leads and am going to through a post out on Craigslist. Wish us luck!

938

This is how many calories I can take in during the day if I want to lose 2 lbs a week. Crap. I think I might have already taken that in today. 938. WTF?

I have been 'trying' to lose weight and seriously need to do something before I learn we have been given the green light for the TC 10. I do not want to be carrying around this extra 10 lbs while running. My knees took enough of a beating last spring with the extra 25 lbs from the pregnancy.

Today I go run with a coworker and am not all that excited. Ms. C did not have a good night and was restless, meaning mom did not sleep and was equally restless. When I got up at 4am to tell Pete to come to bed, the cat puked. I mean really. Can't a girl just get some sleep.

How this turned into a post about sleep I don't know....

Anyway. My point is, I will have to figure out what I can to do get back on track. No more sweets after dinner. Smaller portion sizes and I'm seriously considering dropping my weight training and adding back in the cardio. I hate to stop lifting, as I do enjoy that activity, but with only running 2, sometimes 3 days a week, I will not be prepared for any race. Urgh. This getting old thing sucks.

Laugh out loud

Thanks Carrie! We had a great time viewing your movie last night and laughing out loud. Well done. I am so very proud of you and that you have followed your dream. And I was delighted to actually get to see Ms. D in person. Love her.

Invincible no more

My women's softball team beat our sister team last night, 14-13. This has not happened in the nearly 10 YEARS I have been playing in this league. And what a fanstastic game. I always enjoy it more when both sides have a fighting chance. It makes my senses come alive. Needless to say, our sister team was stunned. Simply stunned. Little did they know when we played them earlier in the year that I was watching and putting together a line up specifically for this game. Hey. It's called scouting out the other team. Take note - we're on fire!!

TC 10 Mile

My in-laws and I are registering for the TC 10 mile. I haven't run a race since the last time I ran this course in 2006 before becoming pregnant.

I'm not sure I am ready for this. I think I should have started with a couple hundred 5k races before getting back into mid-distance runs. Oh well. The race is a lottery so we won't know if we are in until July 18th. In the meantime I need to maintain the thought that we could get in and get my butt in gear. I haven't been able to make it past 3 miles on a run. How the heck do I think I'm going to make it 10? Yeesh. I used to kick out 5 miles without question. What happened to me?

Today is a run day so I'll go pound the pavement during lunch and see if I can get my head back in the running game.

Bang! Kapow!

The 4th has come and gone and nary a firecracker was seen at our house. Heard is another story, but so it goes. Lucky for me, Ms. C can sleep through most noises. The white trash episode on Friday was another story as it occurred while she was going down to sleep, but in relation to what Carrie experienced, it was nothing. Just a couple f-inheimers thrown around and my neighbors coming out to tell their son's (who should be living on his own, btw) friends to shut the hell up. Since they were already taking care of the matter, Pete returned to watering the lawn and I returned inside with Ms. C. I brought her onto the deck since she typically has a calming effect on drunk 25-year-old-testosterone-filled-idiotic guys trying to impress equally drunk 25-year-old scantily-clad girlies. Makes them think what might come after the hook-up, me thinks.

We took the girl to the first of what are sure to be numerous parades. We were actually late and missed the first run through but since we were in Afton, the only way the parade could return to its original starting place was to come up the road again. Lucked out. Then we hung out at the park and enjoyed the baby swing. Kids running around everywhere and Ms. C spent most of the time picking up sticks, as is her passion, and watching the big kids.

Two new teeth sprouted last week so the weekend was partially filled with crankiness and short fuses. She and I spent some time in the pool on Saturday. She took two spills but kept her head out of the water and didn't seem to be scared of the water. She walked around with her bath toys and splashed away. It was a good experience for me to see my babe able to keep herself upright, even when she slipped. I have been reticent to let go of her but know that she needs to experience things to learn. Urgh.

Then it was off to a BBQ with a small group of friends. Ms. C thoroughly enjoyed watching Wiley-dog (a huge love of a dog) walk around. She didn't reach out to touch her but didn't flinch when Wiley came over to lick some food off her face. Ms. C just followed her around and had a blast playing with her older buddy Logan's toys, chatting with Auntie's Robin and Jackie and checking out the new grass.

Both of us were too darn hot and cranky to do much yesterday so we spent the day playing on the deck or inside in the air conditioning.

It's hard for me to return to work after a three day weekend when she stands at the gate and says mama. I am dreading, simply dreading when I have to begin dropping her off at daycare at the end of next month. It's killing me. I am still waffling between the home daycare across the street and the center. I don't want anyone else to take care of her but I know that isn't realistic. Her dad needs to work and that's how it goes. She is a tough little cookie and will probably end up loving it but I don't want my baby to have to deal with separation-anxiety. Hmph. Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit and she won't give a hoot that she's not at home with dad. We'll have to see.

Just in time!

UPDATE: Kennedy Ann was born on Wednesday evening at 8:49pm, weighing in at 5lbs 9 ounces. Congrats Jen & John!!

My friend is having her baby, my friend is having her baby!

Her water broke while we were shooting her pregnancy photos last night. Holy cow. Thank goodness we got those photos done last night! Now I am impatiently waiting for news on Baby Girl S!

Makes you think

My BIL told me about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch last week. More info can be found here. Holy crap.

Believe

It's a humbling experience to see how fragile life can be and a reminder to appreciate what one has and has been given.

A friend of mine came very close to death last week. She's been dealing with cancer for the past 5 years and her lungs finally gave up and stopped working a little over a week ago. She was rushed to the hospital and intubated. The last week was a bit of a blur as we waited to hear how she would pull through, reading her CaringBridge journal every time it was updated, signing up for meal coverage and praying. She is now out of the hospital and growing stronger each day. Her turnaround is not only amazing but a testament to how white light and energy can impact a person.

Over the last several days I have been reminded to be thankful that I am healthy, my family is healthy, that I am surrounded by love, that my friend is a strong, beautiful human being, that there is strength in numbers and that thought and prayer really can be a powerful force. The outpouring of support and energy has truly been an amazing thing to experience.

Last night our softball team played in honor of our friend. One player's husband brought a video camera and recorded the game so it could be burned onto a DVD for her. It sounds silly but, despite our loss, the energy at the game was so positive you could nearly taste it. We had a great time (as we always do when we play) and made some really funny bloopers that are sure to bring out a laugh or two. And it was inspiring that our first basewoman returned to the field last night after beating HER cancer and having reconstruction surgery in early May.

One of our players had a vision last week that by the end of our season our friend would be back on the bench, watching us play. Here's hoping it can come true.

Avoiding work

All my friends are doing it... so I'm joining in the fun.

1. What is your first name? Drop the 'hobby'
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush? (Chris Cornell)
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation? Australia
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life? That's family (not just cats)
11. One Word to describe you. Passionate.
12. Your flickr name. Weeone

To avoid work:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

Hmph. Hope this looks OK.

I think I left my brain somewhere yesterday. Or perhaps I lost it over the weekend. Who knows. All I know is as I was biking into work today I realized that I forgot my bra. Good thing I decided to wear something that won't show that I am wearing my sports bra today instead of one of my newly purchased, nicely laundered bras. And I have to do a presentation over lunch. Oh well.

I don't know what my deal is lately but unless I have a list I'm SOL. I can't even remember what I'm doing from one day to the next. I associate some of this with a large part of my brain being used for new parenting worry and the rest with the fact that I don't sleep.

This is not due to my lovely daughter but, rather, my lovely husband and his frickin' snoring. I'm about to snap. I don't know why this is hitting me so hard this week, but I am seriously having a very hard time dealing with the noise. Up at 3am this morning listening to him sawing logs. Rolling over works for a temp fix. Urgh. I'm dragging. We've tried those silly nose strips. He just takes them off sometime in the middle of the night and sticks them on the wall. Not kidding. He has no clue what he has done with them.

Maybe I'll just lay my head down on my desk for a little nap.....

All that work...

for 22 bucks. That's what we made off our portion of the garage sale this weekend. You heard me right. $22.00. I don't even want to think what that would be in euros. We host it at our house so we tend to do a lot of prep work getting the garage cleaned out. Hardly seems worth it.

Oh well. Lots of family and I was off work on Friday. That's gotta count for something, right?

Weekend wrap up

What a crazy weekend. Well, it felt like a crazy weekend...

Friday night started with a viewing of SATC with some girlfriends and dinner, including cosmos, of course. I had a great time at the movie. It did make me laugh and cry and I realized how much I missed the girls from NYC. My night out lasted all the way until 9:30pm - whoo-hoo!

Saturday was spent working feverishly to finish the baby blanket for my friend. Her shower was on Sunday and I hadn't quite finished the edging. I was able to finish and toss it in the washing machine with Claire's laundry, a minor victory for this poor planning crocheter. Pete ripped out the other dying dogwood from the front yard. I ripped out the really dead one last week in one pull. The semi-dead one came out in three pulls from Pete. It is so nice to not have those scraggly looking crappy things in the front yard. I was able to transplant the hostas from the backyard where they were less than thriving along with the marigolds and then we went to a local garden center to pick up yet more ground cover. We spent part of the evening in the lower level of the house waiting to see if we were going to be swept away by rain or wind and/or if our gardens would take a beating. We were lucky and made it through with just rain. Claire was able to 'stay up late' as the weather hit our neck of the woods right when I was going to put her down.

Sunday we did the church thing and putzed around. I was able to get the rest of the flowers in the garden and will call it good for the year. Until I split some more of the iris' and transplant some in the back garden that just don't seem to like the soil. Man I love putzing in the garden. The smell of dirt after a rain, like perfume to me. Then I headed to the shower. I had hoped to bring the babe but she fell asleep right before I headed out - which is for the best. After the shower I started to prep for our annual garage sale this weekend. We host every year b/c we have the best locale. We don't have a lot of stuff this year, all the baby stuff is going to my sister so we're pretty light on merchandise.

I keep thinking last year at this time I thought things were going well and that the pain in my back and headaches were associated with just regular preggers issues. Who would have thought?

A beet

This is what I look like after running these days. I nice red beet. Not sure if it is associated with overheating or lack of oxygen, all I know is the folks at the gym at work today were probably worried I was going to keel over.

I joined the gym at work on Friday (a mere $18/mos). I blocked out my lunch for the remainder of the year and have a plan to run at least 2 days a week and either lift or take a class the other 3 days. They did a 'fitness assessment' (blood pressure: high, weight: high, pulse: normal) before I could begin working out for obvious insurance reasons. I about fell over when I saw the number for my weight. Urgh. Damn complacency and slowing metabolism.

Today was my first official day back on the wagon. I thought I would run outside but it's a bit on the chilly side so I opted to hit the treadmill. I don't think I have run inside in over a year. It was a bit of a trip and I instantly remembered why I prefer to run outside. The damn displays. How long do I have left? What's my pace? How many calories have I burned? It's like an obsession. I am out of practice and forgot to grab a towel to hide the numbers.

Nevertheless, I did end up running 3 miles. It is damn hot in this tiny gym and coupled with the extra 15lbs I am carrying, I look like a new kid on the block. I swear, looking at me after (and during, I presume) a run you'd be surprised I have run a marathon, numerous halves and countless 5ks. It's going to be an uphill battle.

And I have to get in the habit of packing stuff for 'after' the workout. While the gym has showers and hair/body shampoo they do not provide you with deodorant and brushes! Luckily, I keep spares at my desk and was able to finish getting ready back in my cube.

This evening, I bike home and can call it good. No pressure to feel like I need to squeeze in a workout after Claire goes to bed. This doesn't mean I won't be using the BOB. Oh no. This is what I need to do to get my ass in gear to push the BOB. I did that on Saturday for 33 minutes and looked like a beet that had been pulverized.

Memorial Memorial Weekend

We had a bit of a scare this weekend with Claire. You can read about it here. Needless to say, she didn't leave the house yesterday.

I learned about a possible new photography opportunity that might fall into my lap. My friend's grandmother passed away and the service is happening this weekend and she is scheduled for a wedding. She works as an independent contractor with a studio out of Stillwater. She offered up my name as a backup and I went over to a meeting with the team and presented my portfolio. I hate doing that. I feel like such a failure. Urgh. I always walk away ready to sell my equipment and just give up the dream.

Manual labor

Ay yi yi. I am sore today from my weekend warrior attempts this past weekend. In between birthday parties for family members I was able to turn over the veggie garden and get some plants in the ground. Here's a before picture of the veggie garden. I'll post an after when I get the rest of the plants in the ground. 

I'm trying the trick of planting marigolds around the veggie garden to help keep the deer and rabbits out. Pete thought he heard that they will make the veggies taste weird. Anyone had this issue before? 

My MIL gave me some hens and chicks and I planted those in some bare, dry spots. I hear they don't need a lot of care and I fear with the peanut around this year I will not be spending a whole lot of time tending to the gardens. The weeds will go wild this year. I'm also trying some new stuff this year, cosmos in the sunny spots and snapdragons in the smallest of small pots. I tend to get into ruts and plant the same stuff every year. This year I put more in the ground and used less of the pots. Maybe it was the weird spring weather ~ I just felt like doing something different.

Victory is Ours!

My softball team finally won a game last night. This is the first time in recent memory that Teal has one, without it being b/c the other team had to forfeit.

And we won with cushion. 18-6 or something like that... We had two grand slams and two more home runs. Yippee!

Personally, I had an OK game. Ms. C was with me so I was only able to play 2 innings in the field before she decided she would not be happy unless mom was holding her. She's been going through some separation anxiety stuff lately. Oh well. That's the way it goes.

Next week we play our 'sister' team. There is an intense rivalry and in years past we have gotten spanked by them. This year may be a bit different. We have some solid players and we're hoping that, at the very least, we can hold our own and not end up with a bagel.

My first official mom's day

I spent most of the weekend with my mom. Sans baby. This was the first night I have been away from her since she came home from the NICU. It was quite strange. While I was very relaxed at my parent's house, by noon on Sunday I was itching to get home. Being a working mom, I value my time with my little peanut.

And you should see what she is up to these days, tearing around the living room like a champ. She and I went for a visit at Ms. J's house last night as my friend, Ms. H, was in from LA. She was walking all around the living room, from one chair to the other with nary a hand on a couch/chair. So far she her longest walk has been roughly 7 feet. Holy cow. It is really happening. She is mobile, mobile, mobile. The best part is she doesn't get too fed up when she falls on her bottom. She just crawls over to the nearest table/chair and pulls herself up again. The only time we have an issue is when she bonks her head. And she bonked it good yesterday on the darn coffee table. Urgh. No matter how hard you try...

The best part of the day. She was walking around saying, mama, mmmmaaa, mama. Sure. It was probably a coincidence but I'm taking it :)

My 200th Post!!!

Holy cow. I was actually going to post about my first 30 minute run in nearly 2 years but I just realized this is my 200th post. Doing a little dance in my cube.

So, as I was going to say. I had one of those runs this weekend where I felt like I could go forever. Well, not forever, really, but I wasn't dying when I got back home. I almost called my dad and told him we should rethink the 'quitting while we are ahead to train for a marathon' thing. I know I didn't do my full 3 miles but for not having run for many moons, I felt pretty darn good. I now have a new technique. Run with the jogging stroller 3 days a week and then doing a long run without the jogger. Man, I can run a lot faster and longer when I am not pushing a 20 lb kid in a 20 lb stroller.

Now, if I could just drop the extra 10 lbs I am carrying I'll be FLYING!

Ray of Light

This has been a crazy week. I am either WAY out of practice or jinxed. It didn't help that I've been feeling the 'itch'. Not that itch, kids. The itch to find another gig. This is the longest I've lasted at a position for quite some time, which I attribute to having 3 months off last year to have a baby, but it's back. The burnout feeling has returned. But I just got some good news so I can hang in there a bit longer.

My session Monday morning in front of 70 people went flat after my laptop wouldn't boot up. Yes, I know, this is what you get when you whip your laptop off the docking station without putting it in standby too many times. Still... So I presented without visual aids. It actually went fine. For those who know me and my presentation style I do tend to be a walker and a gesture-fanatic so at least they were visually connected in some fashion. And the group was running behind so my 20 minutes was shaved to 15. Good thing I'm a fast talker. Hopefully they were able to keep up.

Today, I was seriously ready to quit. My afternoon session, which included dual delivery to folks in the room and several via web confo went haywire. Imagine yourself walking into a confo room with several people in attendance only to learn that the phones don't work. Now, how do the phones not work at a Fortune 100 company. Really? Really? You have to be kidding me. And the damn web confo was whacking out on me. In truth, I was frantic to find another confo room, which is nearly impossible on the fly, and couldn't think straight. So, thank the heavens I had sent out the deck before the meeting and folks were able to follow along, for the first 20 minutes. We were kicked out of the meeting room with the working phones....

Now for the good news. I met with my boss this afternoon and he has approved my involvement in an upcoming coaching program being developed out of the OD group. He knows that my career in his dept will not last forever and rather than holding me down, he supports my future growth. He also knows that it won't happen tomorrow so he is willing to appease me by letting me lay the ground work for potential positions in the company. Thank goodness I work for someone with this perspective. We'll see how long this holds me over. Right now I am seriously considering why I work for a company that doesn't appear to be in line with many of the things I value (I refuse to admit my company is involved in hazardous chemicals - best to remain naive). But, I have to pay the bills and the market isn't looking too good at the moment. Oh well. At least I feel like there is something fun and good waiting for me in the fall.

Now I am off to go see my little peanut!

Wheeze. Cough.

I am so friggin' out of shape. After stepping on the scale this weekend I resolved to get my butt in gear, as it has gotten rather large.

I tried running again yesterday. It was a fantastic day. Made it a whopping 20 minutes. Yes, yes, I was pushing Claire in the jogger, but still. 20 minutes. Yeesh. Didn't I run a marathon once? I can't believe how quickly I fell out of practice. And how quickly I gained the weight and lost the muscle. Urgh.

Today I rode my bike into work, despite the 50% chance of rain this afternoon. I ran to get a bike rack yesterday so I could strap a change of clothing, my coffee and water on and cruise. I had my lunch packed but I had difficulty fitting it on the rack using the mesh netting. Oh well. I forced myself to get a salad for lunch and am not walking past the rice krispie bars sitting on the common table.

This getting old thing is a bitch.

One more worry

I was at lunch with a friend today discussing how to parent in a world where every day an article comes out talking about hazards that have long term impacts on your children. Here's the good news I read today.

BPA's. The debate rages on whether this chemical (which I'm sure my company has helped manufacture) can cause development issues. On top of all of this I am trying to convince Ms. C's dad that we should buy organic whole milk when she moves off formula since it shouldn't be laden with damn growth hormones fed to the cow. Needless to say, I went on a hunt last month to buy Ms. C BPA free sippy cups and pacifiers. I didn't make the switch on her bottles but am having second thoughts.

Then I find out that I put her at risk b/c of having HELLPS while reading this article. Great.

Enough already.

I think I'm gonna call him and offer to provide him some free career counseling. We need to find a new position for this man. Make a decision and stick with it. Yeesh. (Sorry Meigan)

Girlfriends for Claire

I am so jazzed. In the last two weeks I have learned that Claire's growing circle of friends and family will include two new girls, arriving in August, thanks to my friend Jen and my sister, Karey.

I'm especially excited about the new cousin as only lives 15-20 minutes away!! Since Claire won't have any siblings close to her age I hope she will be able to spend time with her cousin and develop a close bond. We shall see...

Went Stripping Last Night

Get your minds out of the gutter, you crazy kids. I'm a mom now.

We headed to the Strip Club for a Birthday Club dinner last night. Delish, delish, delish. If you are a meat eater and interested in checking out a new surf and turf joint on the east side, I highly recommend you go. We were served by the co-owner Tim, who was just a delight. It's a treat when your server can tell you intimate details about the menu. He was also very kind when my steak came just a bit on the pink side for my liking. He accommodated me and brought me a new plate (new steak?) that suited my taste buds (read eyeballs). Dessert was a new experience for our table. A standard chocolate crowd, we deviated from our norm and found ourselves thoroughly enjoying some more springy flavors of lemon and blueberry. And he comped our birthday girl for her dessert.

Delightful. Our tab was one of the highest we have seen, even with only five attending, but well worth the money. I made a point to save enough for lunch today, which is my standard MO (stretch that dollar as far as I can).

I ordered a NY Strip with pistachio butter sauce. It was served with a healthy side of cooked carrots in butter. This is the first time, I believe, I have eaten grass-fed beef. And locally sourced, at that. Slathered in pistachio butter sauce it was hard to taste the difference. (Plus, I don't usually eat a cut of beef this caliber.) Fellow table mates who ordered their strip naked enjoyed the morsel so I can assume grass-fed is a hit.

Yum, yum.

Where have I been?

Away from the blogging world the last couple of weeks. It seems as though all of my goals for the year are due now, now, now. Or at least everyone wants them now, now, now. Urgh. I can only do so much.

Ms. C has also decided that sleeping through the night isn't so much her thing. I was spoiled for the last several months. Her dad and I are hoping it is a teething issue and not a new pattern. Last night she awoke at midnight, angry that she couldn't (read wouldn't) flip over from her belly to her back*. Earlier in the evening her dad had commented that we should really begin the process of having her put herself to sleep. She will put herself to sleep but only if she can suckle on her burp cloth, which isn't really a safe option since she could either a) choke herself by sucking it too far down her throat or b) strangle herself by having it twist around her neck.

Yes, I admit it, we've been 'those' parents. The one's that rock their babe to sleep at night. Mostly because I end up putting her down and I love to see her face resting on my shoulder. However, she is getting heavy (we estimate somewhere in the 20 lbs range) and a dead weight baby is hard to hold onto for any length of time.

Anyway, I got up with her and flipped her to her back but that didn't stop the fussing. I picked her up but tried to stay true to our new commitment of having her put herself to sleep and ended up putting her back to bed while she was awake (after 30 minutes of calming her down, getting her back into a sleepy state of mind, trying to sing her to sleep while standing next to her crib with my hand on her belly, rolling her onto her side, etc.). Didn't work. Loud crying ensued but I bore down and told her dad that we would have to wait out the storm. Yeah right. You know what he did??? Got up, picked her up and brought her into bed. I was like WTF? Well, even that didn't take so I got back up, took her from her dad and fed the tot. She finally fell back to sleep. (We're not trying to starve her, really. I waited that long only b/c she doesn't usually eat much and prefers to sooth herself by suckling on her burp cloth).

Any parents out there have suggestions on how to put their little one to rest at night without a lot of pain and anguish?

On a completely unrelated note. I am SICK of snow and cold. Yes, it is nearly 40' right now and the sun is shining so what the h-e-double hockey sticks am I complaining about? I want to go for a walk outside with Ms. C. Ahh....spring in MN.



*Please note, she flipped herself onto her belly. We are good parents and follow the rule of back is best.

Daycare update

We ran the numbers after visiting three daycare facilities last week and realized we are better off keeping her at home for the time being. Since we would only be putting her in on a part time basis we would be upcharged. If we wait another 8 months (when she is a toddler) the rates drop so we're hanging on by our fingernails with the current schedule. It would be so nice to know if Pete's current crazy-busy project load will continue. If that would be the case we could bite the bullet and put her in but it's so up in the air. One month it is madness and the next it is slllloooowww.

Maybe during the summer one of the older neighbor kids will be looking for some additional income and would take on the role as 'summer nanny'. Any creative ideas from the peanut gallery?

Sleep. What sleep....

An update on Ms. Claire here. Needless to say I am tired and I swear I have ADD at work. I can't focus on anything for more than a few minutes.

Sick of it

I am sick of being sick. This is round three this year. I am so tired of being sick. Home ill today (thank goodness mom is up today to take care of Claire) and I am so tired of blowing my nose and coughing. Urgh. 

Letting her go already?

Daycare.

Who would have thought this word could be so scary. We're going to have to put Ms. C in daycare. Pete's workload is too crazy and my sister is going to need to scale back on taking her sometime in the next coming months. We have to bite the bullet and put her in on a part-time basis.

And I'm scared. I can't get over hearing about the bad situations that happen at daycare. I try to tell myself that there are hundreds of other kids who are just fine in daycare. Several of them are my friend's children! But all I think of is leaving her with a stranger. It makes my blood run cold. What will these people do when she has a meltdown? How long will she sit in her poop before they finally decide they can get to her and change her? Will they walk around with her like we do during the day holding her hands so she can 'stretch' her legs? How will they handle the fact that she likes to snuggle before falling asleep?

I just don't think I can do it. But I have to. I have to find a way to let her go and put my trust in some person who doesn't know my daughter.

Oh so tired

Ms. C decided to awaken at 2:43am. I have gotten so used to her sleeping through the night... Plus the day before Pete had an early flight to SD for a biz trip and left the house way early so I was up. The trouble with being an insomniac is that once you are awake it is very, very, very, very, very difficult to get back to sleep. Needless to say I am dragging today.

I need to stay awake and do some work so that I am not carrying that stress around and keeping myself awake at night with worries about 'getting it all done'. I swear. This job is so odd. Peaks and valleys in terms of the level of work. Early in the week all of my 'sessions' were out for review. They are still out for review but somehow by yesterday afternoon I had at least 5 more URGENT 'sessions' come out of some needs assessments. Damn needs assessments. All they do is create more work! Just kidding. They are the lifeblood of me keeping my job and my compass.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by how much training really needs to be done. I tend to overextend myself and want to do it all now, now, now. But I can't do that, especially with a little one at home and my desire to jet out of here as soon as I can so I can get home and see her.

Ahh....this is what they mean by work/life balance issues.

We are walking, we are walking...

Oh those crazy Austin kids. Check out Carrie's site for some much needed mid-week entertainment.

Reality Check

My step came home from school this week with some pretty tough news. One of her good friend's has been in and out of school as of late. Recent tests came back and confirmed that she has lung cancer. She is 14 years old.

The first thoughts that ran through my head were, "not fair", "shouldn't happen to this kid", "will her mother FINALLY quit smoking now?*".

This poor girl can't go live with her father and she and her mother live in a small duplex. Mom smokes inside all the time and her daughter is exposed to a heavy dose of second hand smoke. According to my step the mother has said she won't quit smoking. We're not sure if that really was the response or if it was more along the lines of "it will be tough to quit smoking". We weren't there so we don't know. Nevertheless, I can't imagine what these two are going through.

14.

Pete and I immediately start to think about how we can help this young lady. We're not in a position to take her in, nor would be want to face that battle with her mother, but we are trying to understand what is happening on the medical front. So we ask, what is her coverage situation? Is there a possible need for a benefit in the future? How far has the cancer progressed? How is she doing emotionally? FYI -getting your information from another 14 year old is not the best route. She hasn't a clue, which is not a bad thing. She shouldn't have to be dealing with this either.

14. I can't imagine it. All I want to do is go hug her and tell her we're here. And to suck that damn cancer out of her.






*Full disclosure - I am an ex-smoker who quit for the second/third time a mere 2 years ago.

Crisis averted

Update on my work crisis. It was averted. The kind folks who gave me a heads up that I would be screwed came through for me (I take back my previous rant about them, kinda) and provided me with a version of the software that has been approved by IT. Thank the heavens! They even gave it to me for FREE! Score! And I get to keep my 2008 version and have offered to do beta testing for them when they start to look at having IT review this version.

Whew.

And I went to the doctor on Thursday and she started me on some meds.

Double whew.

On the home front my hubby was off snowmobiling in northern WI this weekend so Claire and I had a girls weekend full of visits and visitors.

I think she might be cutting her first tooth. She is acting a bit off yesterday afternoon, pulling her ears more than usual and chewing on my hands. She has always been a chewer and drooler so those typical tell-tale signs do not give me any indication if she is actually cutting a tooth. She was running a very low-grade fever last night and yesterday she was just impatient. Nothing kept her happy for very long and she would go from one extreme to the next. It was like a roller coaster.

We just learned that her big sis (who was with us the last 2 weeks) was sick all weekend and is going in for a strep test this afternoon. My hubby called and said he is going to keep a close eye on Claire. We're hoping it wasn't transferred and that Claire really is cutting a tooth and not dealing with something worse. Claire might argue that getting teeth is just as worse but you get my drift.

I'm looking forward to the day when Claire can tell me 'where it hurts' instead of me guessing what is happening to my little bear.

Irony

Ironically the song that came on right after I posted is Failure by Ian Ball. The key line in the song is 'Don't let a little failure get you down'. I'm trying to make this my mantra this afternoon.

Sorry for the tough love

I am seriously ready to throw my hands in the air and scream 'I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!'.

I have been stressing the last several days because I have been dealing with a fairly sharp learning curve with a new elearning program at work. I was so stressed that I wasn't sleeping (damn stress-induced insomnia) and I have a f'ing sinus infection to boot.

This morning I had a breakthrough after working with another person at my company who uses this software. (Even though this software provides a great deal more interactivity and functionality than the powerpoint on crack version currently pushed as the 'corporate solution' the organization can't support it because they have had to cut resources and they feel that the powerpoint on crack version is just fine.) I was jazzed to get working on storyboards and ready to get moving on programming until I just opened my email.

Apparently the company who sold me the software sent me the latest and greatest version and they can't be certain ti will work with our newly upgraded LMS. This is a snippet from the email I just rec'd from the internal contact:

Officially, it's unsupported by us so (if ) you have problem, you're on your
own.
Also, 2008 is not approved by IT to work at (insert company
name).

Sorry for the tough love but it has to be that way . . .

OK. I get that it isn't their problem that the software company sent me the wrong version but I am just pissed. There is some history with this 'support' group that gets my hackles up, namely that we are a Fortune 100 company who should be on the leading curve of learning solutions not back in the dark ages. Instead of being forward thinking and determining that they need to justify the business need for supporting this software in the organization they tell us that it isn't supported (not just the 2008 version but any version). Screw you. I don't expect to hand hold me and help me through the problem but the email felt more like a slap in the face than I needed today.

My response back was not nice. It wasn't directed at them but more at the fact that if they have another contact other than the person who approved this version in the first place to please let me know the name so I can contact him/her and get his resolved. My job is seriously on the line. You may think I am exaggerating but my team has once again been moved into yet another part of the company and I have a project due for my boss' boss in a couple weeks.

I cannot deal with this and feel like I am going to explode. I know I am being overly sensitive but when I feel like my job is already on the line and then I get an email like this I just feel like I could cry. This is when I wish I wasn't the primary breadwinner in the family and could roll with whatever is going to come my way without worrying that I might be out of a job.

You should be....

Found this on Sarah's site. While it worked for her I am apparnently in the wrong field. I went in and took the quiz a again chosing my 'second choice' and this time it came back with You Should Be a Teacher. A bit more appropriate to my current job.

You Should Be a Doctor

You are practical, sharp, and very intuitive. Optimistic and energetic, you are a problem solver who doesn't get discouraged easily. You are also quite compassionate and caring. You make people feel hopeful. You're highly adaptable and capable. You do well with almost any curve ball life throws at you. You do best when you: - Are always learning new subjects - Use your knowledge to solve problems You would also be a good therapist or detective.

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

Crafty projects

Until daylight savings kicks in I have a couple of hours between when Ms. Claire goes down and my bed time. Instead of sitting like a lump in front of the TV I decided to start another craft project.

And of course, instead of taking things slow I want to jump in head first and create a semi-complicated (read complicated for me) bear for someone who will be having a baby later this year. I also want to crochet a new scarf for next year and perhaps a baby blanket for someone else who is having a baby later this year.

I went to Joanne Fabrics yesterday over lunch to check out yarn for the bear project. I left without buying anything. I was very frustrated. I could not for the life of me find the weights they have listed for the pattern in the book I am using. Urgh. I must be an idiot but all I could find was #4. Being a novice (and being on my lunch hour) I didn't waste time asking one of the ladies working where I could find what I wanted. I think I will try again when I have a bit more time and patience.

So, last night I decided for the heckuvit I would just try to make the bear using their instructions but using the yarn I already have and maybe it will work out OK. I think it will. It just won't look exactly like the bear in the book. Since the baby who will get this gift won't know the difference will it really matter? I can tackle the 'advanced' version when I can find the right damn yarn.

I asked Pete if I could start hosting some Stitch-N-Bitch sessions at the house. I love the idea of people getting together to chit-chat and work on projects at the same time. This might actually help me finish a project on time too! But, other than my sister and perhaps Michelle I don't know anyone on the east side who would be interested. Anyone know any knitters and/or crocheters who would want to participate?

First Ave

Not sure if this is going to come through or not. If not, click here to get to the article and link to the audio slideshow. It made me happy and sad at the same time. I have spent many hours in this place over the years but since Ms. C came along I have only been once. I'm losing my edge.

The Weekend in Review

Whew. I am in a much better place today. The last few days have been emotional roller coasters. As of Friday of last week all I wanted to do was quit my damn job and run for the hills, sans hubby and child. By this morning at 10am I have returned to a better place and feel like I can take on the world again.

Friday
My day job was really getting me down. We're tasked with a lot of great stuff but lack the leader to really take things anywhere. It's tough to be tasked with creating a communications plan when there are people on the team that can't f'in communicate with anyone. I have to chose my words carefully here in case someone should ever stumble upon this little blog. The idea of creating said communication plan is wonderful. I would LOVE to do this. But when I begin to work towards this goal I immediately become disheartened. Why? Because it will be ripped apart and made into something a certain person on my team wants, no matter what I do. It takes the drive right out of me. This is the same experience I have when creating new training materials. By the time I left work on Friday I had seriously had it. I wanted nothing to do with this company. I cruised home early so we could get in the car and fly out of town.

We drove to my old home town for my dad's retirement party. (I haven't been back to town since my parents moved 5 years ago!) As I am driving I kept asking myself how my dad managed to stay at the same company for 35+ years. How did he keep himself from not telling them to take a hike? My dad and I have similar tempers and I know he has had some 'interesting' conversations with his management in the past. How in the world did he keep his mouth shut? And can I get myself to do the same? Can I find a way to just let go and report to work with the same drive and energy when I feel like I have no recourse? After the two hour drive down I still didn't have any answers. However, I think I found part of the answer at the party. Friends from the days when my dad was a line supervisor were there. Friends who I have known since I was an infant. And the stories! It was great to see these folks again and to hear them share story after story about good times. It dawned on me that my dad had a core group of guys who he started with and they remained close no matter what town we lived in or where they were in the 'chain of command'. With that network you can handle a lot of shit that rolls your way.

On the way home we ran into an ice storm that had cars in ditches left and right and me behind the wheel, white-knuckled and swearing like a sailor with both of the girls in the car. Pete finally had to take over driving when I damn near slid into another car in front of us.

Saturday
I was paid for only 2 hours of work when in reality I worked for 5 hours. There was a miscommunication between my client and I regarding the wedding. It all worked out in the end and I'll chalk this up to another learning experience on my part. I was very glad to be a part of this person's special day so I'm not too upset about it in the grand scheme of things but it did teach me that I need to be clearer about what I will be doing and why you are paying me.

Sunday
Pete went to help my dad move a bunch of stuff for his new stained glass business and was gone from 9a-7p. No biggie. Jordan was home and could help with Claire later in the day when my photo shoot arrived.

Well... Ms. Claire apparently had stomach cramps (who knows - she can't tell me) and was crying from 11:45am - 3pm. And I'm not exaggerating. She was really crying the whole time. I finally had to wake Jordan up at 2-freaking-pm because I needed to eat something. Claire finally went down for a very short nap around 3pm. Pete called to say he would be late. My client called and said she would be late. OK. I can deal with that, Jordan said she would stay to help with Claire.

My client finally showed up about 3 hours after initially planned. Oddly enough, this is when things started to get a little better in my small world. We ended up having a blast with the shoot but I was stressing as Claire needed a bath and we have a bit of routine we go through and it was all out whack. Pete took the lead and gave Claire her bath, got her ready for bed and by the time my client left we were back into the swing of things.

Monday
I returned to work determined to put a new face on things. I will find a way to be a good employee. I need this job too damn much.

I had a meeting with a guy in another department at 9am. He is a trainer in a business unit. By the end of the meeting I found the thing I have been seeking for nearly a year and a half. A group of people who think like me, do the same type of job and want to work to make things better. I am now networked in with other trainers who meet on a regular basis outside of their normal job duties to share ideas and talk about how we can leverage the platforms available to us and each other. We're also thinking about creating a consortium to help with a new platform that launched but has no support. I can't believe how much energy I have gotten from this 1 hour conversation. I can't wait to tap into the brain power of these people and have their support when I need to brainstorm about challenges that I face.

Thank goodness. I don't want to be sad coming to work and stressing about how I am going to make ends meet if I go somewhere else.


My learnings from this crazy weekend?
1. Do NOT overbook yourself. I seriously can't do this anymore
2. Wait. Be patient. It will get better.
3. Be happy this is all I have to worry about.

It's the little things

Every since becoming a mom I've realized it really can be a little thing happening to change or make your day. As I mentioned in my last post we've been a sick house the last few days. I am finally on the mend and am now able to appreciate those small things again.

Today's highlight - seeing Claire use her hands to roll the two tone ball on her exersaucer and try to reach for the purple rectangle moving thingy. It's like I can see the synapsis firing. Way cool to watch. If I'm this excited about her figuring out what these two appendages can really do what am I going to be like when she takes her first step!

I'm back!

Took a bit of a hiatus from blogging the last couple of weeks. The holiday season is busy enough and learning how to haul another person along and work with her schedule wore me out. I am now battling a serious head cold and had the stomach flu the Friday after Christmas. Just getting out of bed was enough for a while.

Now that I am back at work and staring at my 2008 goal list I have begun procrastinating and have jumped back on the blogging bandwagon.

2008 is going to be an interesting year here at the big corporation. We learned at the end of 2007 that our team would be moved to another staff group. Again. In my short tenure with this joint I have reported to three different groups. While this move makes wonderful sense as we will now be part of Legal it scares me a bit.... There are NO trainers in Legal. None. Nada. Zilch. The atty's either do it themselves or they buy it off the shelf and push it out to the company. My boss tells me I am a-OK and shouldn't worry about being canned. But what the hell is he supposed to say? 'Yeah, you might be out of a job but keep working your tail off because I still have to meet my expectations?' Of course he is going to tell me I'm going to be safe. I've heard that before.

So I have updated my resume and continue to keep trucking along on the projects I have while hoping that my boss' new boss decides that not only does he need a trainer but that there is other work I could be doing for him. I really need this job security since I am the primary breadwinner, holder of family insurance and financial planner for the family.

On a more happy note, my photo biz has been picking up. I did a shoot over the holidays, have one scheduled for tomorrow (twin boys less than a month old!), one for next week and a wedding and headshots next weekend. To reward myself I went out and purchased a light meter. I can't wait to try it out tomorrow on the twins!

Pete indulged my new past time (which has lapsed the last few weeks) and bought me the Stitch & Bitch Crochet Happy Hooker. I was flipping through and can't wait to tackle some of the cool stuff she has in here, especially the bear and the purses. What fun! I am not particularly fast but it gives me something to do on cold nights when I'm not running around outside.

OK. Enough procrastinating. For someone who needs to make sure she keeps her job I need to get my ass in gear and get back to work!

Whitcomb Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Family name

Welcome Little One

Welcome Dahlia. We are very happy you are here!

Awesome Halftime Show

I'm avoiding work today. Found this while zooming around. Makes me wish I was back playing in the band. Except for those 6am practice sessions in late fall when we lived in NE. We never pulled anything like this off.

Fat but not happy

Yikes. I stepped on the scale this weekend and about fell off. I was not happy with the number screaming at me in red. I swore I was going to get up and do 30 mins on the elliptical this morning but when the alarm went off I just hit the snooze and said forget it. I did get my hiney out of my cube this morning and walked for almost 30 mins around campus in the skyway. I'm not sure how far it is but my blood was pumping by the time I got back to my cube. And I have taken the stairs every time I've gone up or down today.

I was feeling pretty good until the almond M&M's were opened this afternoon. My coworker is the keeper of the department candy dish. A couple of us chip in and grab a bag or two of candy (mostly chocolate) and keep it stocked. About two weeks ago I filled it with almond M&M's and we all discovered that we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the almond option. As a result, someone bought two more bags, which were opened this afternoon, and I have found myself heading to the candy cube twice already since lunch. Urgh. All that work I did on my walk is slowly settling back onto my already fat butt. Must resist the tasty combo of almond and chocolate!

Exercise used to be a big part of my life. Now I can't find the energy or lack the desire to stare at the TV while going nowhere on my elliptical. And I haven't touched a weight for months. I suppose we could argue that my babe counts as a weight. I've been thinking about how I can use her as my free weight... Bicep curls? Not so much. But there are creative ways to do push ups and sit ups. I hate to be such a routine person but without it I am a lazy fool. I've got to get some sort of workout routine going or I am going to have to go buy some new pants.

My sister got me a baby yoga DVD for my birthday and I am making my way through some positions. The DVD is geared more towards the baby so I'm not getting too much exercise out of it but it is still a fun way to spend time with the kiddo.

Lorraine Whitcomb

Grandma Lorraine passed away this morning. I haven't gotten the full story on what happened and her kids requested a pathologist perform a check. Apparently there is a history of stomach cancer in the family and they aren't sure if she had any symptoms and if that caused any issues. According to my FIL they aren't sure if she had a heart attack or if it was a blood clot that caused her to pass.

Lorraine was a trooper. She started to lose her vision many years ago and in the last two years she was for all intensive purposes blind. She could pick you out by your voice and always knew what was happening in your family. She had 8 kids and I can't count how many grandkids and great-grandkids. The family photo from this summer's family reunion gives you a sense of just how many of us will miss Lorraine. 

We still got together today at my MIL & FILs but spent time sharing stories about Grandma Lorraine. As the last addition to the family, I didn't have much to add. She was a very kind woman and I am glad she was able to meet Claire. 

Upgrade woes, prayers and babes

I've had my head stuck in a spreadsheet the last couple of days at work. I screwed something up and have been working to identify the issue. Urgh. Damn sort function. &%##^*(^*

We recently upgraded to CS3 and while I dig having Bridge to better view my photos (makes the Yes/No process a whole lot faster) I am unable to open Photoshop. Ok. Kinda need that. Thank goodness I had finished editing the photos from the shoots I did earlier this month. We haven't had a chance to contact Adobe yet to see why this is happening so I am sans the ability to post photos. And I have many of Claire to post. Things are opening slowly too. We don't seem to have any issues when we are working in a program, just opening and closing. I'm hoping after Pete talks to Adobe all will be repaired. Urgh.

We learned today that Pete's grandmother is in the hospital. Apparently she was having some trouble breathing this morning and used her call button to alert the appropriate folks. She lives in a senior high rise ~ thank goodness they have this resource in all the apartments. It appears she is also having other issues so they are going to keep her overnight for testing. Please send some prayers her way if you can.

In better news, I learned my friend Julie delivered her twin boys on Thursday. She knew she would be going early as they had her on bedrest the last three weeks. Sounds like everything went well. Appears they might be in the NICU for a spell but they look to be strong, healthy little guys so I'm sure they will be out in no time. I can't wait to meet Miles & Jackson in person!

We're off to my MIL & FIL's tomorrow to head to the tree farm near their house and celebrate my birthday. I am the lone December babe in the family so we lump it in with our annual trip to the tree farm. I'm not quite sure where we will put the tree this year as Claire's activity gym and exersaucer already take up enough space! I'm hoping the weather will hold off until we get back home. While part of me is excited to see the snow and make it feel a bit more like the holiday season I'm not looking forward to driving in snow with a layer of sleet on top. Ahh... welcome to winter in MN. Pete & Jordan are nearly wetting their pants in excitement. Pete asked Jordan if she had a full week of school next week and she said she thought so, unless it snowed. When asked why about the snow she responded, "well... I'd be snowmobiling." Right. I don't think she was entirely kidding. I think she hopes her dad would be so jazzed to get out on the trails he would exempt her from school. I don't think so sweetie.

New stadium but no team

We're not going to have much of a team left. You can't build it around the Baby Jesus (aka Mauer), who has had his share of issues this year, and expect it to succeed.

Earlier this summer I called into a local sports radio station and joked that the Twins are more like a farm team to the rest of the MLB than they are a MLB franchise. Hmph. I may be right.

Yes, I'll still watch them. (More likely, I'll still listen as I am more inclined to turn on the radio in the summer) Nevertheless, I just want to have a team that is cohesive. It seems every time we take two steps forward, during the off season we take three steps back. Perhaps I am just a jaded MN fan but I was enjoying this corps of players and am sorry to see some of them go.

Such is the life of a major league sports fan.

Stiff. Achy. Out of shape.

I hit the pavement for the first time in over a year yesterday. I have no idea how far I went as my running watch has since gone kaput so I didn't check it against my usual 10 minute mile pace. Rest assured. I was not running a 10 minute mile anyway.

The first thought through my head, "Man, I miss this.". The next thought, "Damn, my lungs hurt. How the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks did I let myself get this far off course?!".

Nevertheless, I stuck with it as far as I could and did some walking to get back to the house. I knew the first time out was going to be a bear. And today I can feel it. Not nearly as bad as it was when I completed the marathon but... I hope I can keep some sort of pattern going. I've thought about trying to train for a December 5k but don't really like running in the cold (wuss).

Thanks for Giving!

We started the holiday season off by giving Jordan her present early. It's a big one and from all of her parents. She got a snowmobile.......... A little over the top for my standards but that is a post for another day. Yesterday we headed to my parents for the day. Seventeen people and lots of food. My mom handles some of the main dishes and the rest of us bring other dishes to pass. Needless to say we have had a lot of food. Jordan has gone vegetarian so Pete made a nutloaf. It was OK. It called for 2 large white onions and 5 cloves of garlic. Pete dialed back on those but it needed something else. Good try and we'll just tweak it. Mom made the BEST mashed potatoes I have ever had. It's a recipe that includes sour cream and cottage cheese. Just thinking about it makes me drool.

Claire didn't handle the day all that well - it was a bit overwhelming for her. She was distracted while eating, had a hard time napping and just couldn't get a rhythm. I had a hard time having conversations with people. She didn't want to even sit with grandma. Very odd.

We also learned that my step-grandma's cancer has returned. She started chemo earlier this week in Rochester and was very tired. I'm hoping that the chemo does what it needs to. Both of my grandmothers passed away before I was 4 and my dad's dad remarried not too long after. She has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.

Today Claire & I stayed inside and just mellowed out. Claire snuggled with me in the afternoon and decided to fall asleep on me for an hour. It's rare for me to have this time with her and instead of worrying about what needed to be done I just appreciated the time I was given to snuggle with my girl.

Seriously. A tree already?

I was floored on Saturday while driving back from a photo shoot in Eden Prairie. Lights had been strung, fences placed and signage painted. The Boy Scout tree lot was open!!!!

You gotta be kidding me, right? Doesn't it seem a wee bit early? We haven't given thanks yet. There is no snow on the ground. It's 40' outside and raining. And riddle me this... just how the heck are you gonna keep that baby from becoming a fire hazard before the big holiday?

I know I don't usually get into the holiday spirit like most people. I blame that on years of working retail. Nothing turns one off like having to deal with throngs of pissed off people the last week before Christmas. Through the years I have tried to keep an open mind. But starting the festivities the day after Halloween is just downright wrong. I have already grown weary of the jewelry commercials, which in reality, last until after Valentine's Day. Their kinda like political ads. Enough already!

We boycott decorating early at our house. This is due in part to my having a December birthday. As a kid my parents were very kind to hold off on lumping my birthday in with Christmas. In fact, we still celebrate it as a stand-alone event (me, me, it's all about me!). So, we hold off putting up the decorations until after my bday. We still get 3-3.5 weeks of holiday fun. By that time I'm ready to have my house put back together anyway.

Pooh. Am I a scrooge or what.

H is for....

This must be why I:

• ended up in HR
• loved horses as a kid
• eat lots of Hershey's chocolate (well, any chocolate really)
• love heat

Monday Monday...

I woke this morning around 4:30am and had that initial start... "What time is it? Is Claire moving? What day is it? Do I get to sleep in?" For about 30 seconds I couldn't remember if it was Sunday or Monday. Turns out it was Monday. The weekends are flying by much to quickly for me, these days.

Saturday Claire and I headed to Carrie's shower hosted by Laurie. It was great to see everyone and see how Carrie is doing. Aurelia and Sarah were there. Claire and Relia's scheduled due dates were about week apart. Relia ended up coming later than expected but she is still close to Claire's scheduled due date so I like to 'measure' Claire's progress to Relia's. Seems like Claire is right on pace. She is still smaller than Relia but I think that with me as her mom that would have been the case even if she had been full term. It was funny to see her next to the two 4 month olds at the shower. Even though Claire was the oldest, she was the smallest.

I was disappointed, but not surprised, not hear that my Gophers had lost yet another football game. It hurts more when it is Iowa and Wisconsin. I'm already looking to next year. And crossing my fingers that Weber can improve over the off season.

I won't even begin to talk about what happened yesterday with the Vikes. I'm floored that we couldn't even get a field goal. Puleeze. Anyone know if a good head coach out there who can find a semi-decent Q-back and a set of receivers? And then my Colts lose. What the...??

Pete took Claire to the doctor today to check on a rash. Turns out it is eczema. I'm really hoping this isn't going to turn out to be associated with a food allergy. I don't want Claire to sit by herself at lunch b/c she can't be near kids who drink milk or eat peanut butter sandwiches. Before I let myself wander down that path I am going to take a couple other steps to see if we can get a handle on it.

• Change her laundry detergent to Dreft
• Put the humidifier in her room
• Cut down on the number of baths she gets (which she really enjoys :( urgh)
• Buy some Lubriderm or Cetaphil

She was prescribed some ointments from the doc today, no steroids yet. Her cousin Nate has it and it turns out my mom does too. Double whammy as these are members from both sides of her family. We'll see.

I learned my friend Julie is on bed rest. Her twins are due in January but she started having contractions last week and spent the week in the hospital. According to her doc, her body thinks she has reached full term and is telling her brain to begin contractions. Yikes. They are hoping to get her to 34 weeks (2 more weeks!) so the boys have a better chance of staying off respirators and other devices if they should end up in the NICU. Please send good vibes their way. She is delivering at Abbott so at least I know she will be well taken care of should she need it.

Corporate Renegade

I am not a good corporate employee. I hate politics and the bullshit associated with it. I hate having to get 7 different opinions on something before I can move forward. It is a collasal waste of my time. I feel like a serf. I want to be an efficient member of this organization but fear that will never be realized since I can't go to the bathroom without getting someone's approval first.

The irony in all this is that one of our cash cow products was developed by accident. Its creation is touted as an example of product innovation in most MBA programs. Is it because I am a staff person, not in the labs, that I am treated like I don't have a brain to use? That I can't be right?

What would happen if I did something on my own? Would I bring down this company? I highly doubt it.

Drying up

WARNING!! This post may contain TMI for some readers.

The girls are getting smaller. I can finally wear some of the button down shirts I am so fond of for work. I still have to wear a sweater over them, lest I pop a button, but I'm getting closer! I grew to a size 38D (normally a 34A/B) so most of my work shirts have been a bust (pun intended). I had to go shopping for shirts so I didn't look like a hooker looking for a John at work. Tonight I am going to try and go for a run (weather dependent) for the first time in a year.

As much as I wanted to get Claire as close to a year on breastmilk as possible, it just wasn't going to happen. We simply ran out of space. Our home freezer above our fridge has been loaded and unloaded as we transferred milk to various family members numerous times in the last four months. About two weeks ago I jotted down where milk stashes were located (MIL, BIL, my mom's...) and the respective dates along with the 'expiration' dates. Milk that is stored in a deep freeze is good for 6-7 months; milk in a regular freezer is only good for 3-4 months.

Erring on the side of caution I realized that the milk at my mom's had to be used in early December. Before we could get that milk back up here and into our freezer we needed to unload the stash we have on hand from the last several weeks. Well, since I have been pumping since Claire's arrival and was kicking out 10-12 ounces every 4 hours it has taken me nearly a month to slow down my production enough to call it done. Weaning off releasing that much milk can be VERY painful. This weekend I pushed it to the extreme, before learning I may have been doing some damage to myself. It got to the point where I couldn't pick Claire up because it hurt too much. I went back to stretching the time in between sessions while continuing to cut down on the time attached to the machine. That seemed to help as yesterday I only pumped once. I'm thinking by this weekend I can have a glass of wine and not have to worry about it being passed onto Claire. My guess is Claire will still be on breastmilk for about 2-3 more months. As we get closer to the end of the stash we will stretch it out by mixing it with formula and mixing it in with solids (can you believe she will start solids soon?!?).

The girls are closer to the size they were while preggers. Part of me wants them to stay this size :) Yet I am itching to get back into my button downs (I'm addicted to them, BTW) and get back to running without pain.

Whew

OK. I gotta admit. My cube ain't nothing like this. I actually have a window. Which is more than I can say for some of the higher ranking personnel in this joint.

New Title

Dear reader,

Please weigh in on your thoughts. Do you like the new name?

Many thanks,
~Struggling Cube Jockey

I am disturbed

So, no football on last night and I ended up watching the History Channel's show on Nostradamus. What a bad idea. I am now dreading December 21, 2012. Apparently that is when the world is going to end (as we know it) according to our man Nostradamus and some other Mayan seers.

Great. Just freaking great. I did the math and realized Claire would be a whopping 5 years old when the world ended (as we know it). Then my mind starting spinning out of control. What will happen to her if she survives some catastrophic event and her parents don't? What is going to happen to the world? How can this be? Why am I just learning about this now?

This damn show should have come with a warning. New parents who will worry about their child's future should not watch this for fear they will never sleep again. Or something of the like.

Name change

OK. I've got to rename this blog. It was created as a place to host photos before my hubby put up our website. When one does a Google search it comes up as the second and third links. Since I have posted some personal thoughts and opinions I would hate for my hubby's clients to associate this with his business.

I've had a couple middle-of-the-night ideas that promptly run out of my head when I wake in the morning (this leads me to believe they might not be the best ideas). During the day I can't seem to come up with anything. It reminds me of college when I woefully attempted to come up with titles for papers. I've always struggled with this issue. The photography slant continues to come to mind but I think it might be overdone... Through my lens? Crap. I suck at this.

So I solicit help from you, dear reader. Any thoughts on a new name for this blog?

Crazy Fluid Man

This is crazy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsOaQGF7kiQ

Save the Trees

Here's a great way to save some trees. I stumbled upon this while avoiding work this morning linking through friends blogs and found it on Faux Martha. (BTW, I am so buying Claire one of those shirts)

I hate getting these catalogs. I rarely read them and would prefer they not come to my home.

I've become more aware of all the waste we have in our home lately. We're pretty good about recycling as much as we can and try to reuse most of the plastic that is brought into our home if it can't be recycled. But we're still just adding more to the landfills... I was thinking as I was cleaning the litter box this morning that we really don't need to use plastic bags for Claire's diaper pail (how's that for linear thinking??). Her pail has an insert we can pull out and just dump the diapers in the trash. Pete was concered about how the insert might begin to smell but I think it's worth it. I'm going to begin doing this tonight.

Does anyone have an ideas for those plastic hangers you get when buying kids clothing? The stores don't seem to want to keep them and even with garage sales next summer I'll never use them all. Would love to hear if anyone has any good thoughts. Maybe figure out a way to make them into a mobile... Hmm...

A higher power?

My day yesterday confirms my belief in a higher power. Coinky-dink? I think not.

I had one of those strange days yesterday where I was suddenly taken back to my high school days. I ran into two friends from high school within a few hours of each other. Now it isn't really an oddity that this happens. I only live about 1.5 hours from where we all graduated and it is natural for many of us to move to the Twin Cities. However, a couple of my good pals from HS have joked that the world revolves around our home town (All things Austin). We get a kick out of running into people while we are in the other Austin (Texas), NYC and other parts of the world. We swear Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon should be changed to Six Degrees of Austin. It seems many people know someone from this small town in southern MN.

So, I was sitting at lunch with the facilitator I hired for yesterdays session when my junior year prom date strolled by. OK. This one isn't so weird as we do see each other from time to time. (One would think we would see each other at work more but we aren't in the same building and 10,000 people land on this six block plot of land each day.) However, I haven't seen him since before I got pregnant so it was 'out of the blue' that we saw each other.

The second came while I was heading to my yoga class. My class is being held at an education center in the NE metro. I was already late for class but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw my pal from HS. I hadn't seen this pal in several years (like nearly 10). He and his wife were there to attend conferences with his son's preschool teacher which were being held across the hall from my yoga class. Now really, how random is it that? I was really good friends with this guy in HS and he was a rock when I went crazy for a little while. I lost track of him when he moved 'up north' to work in radio for a spell. I went to college and moved into the next phase and we just never reconnected when he moved to the TC. And here we are. Standing in a hall catching up for a brief moment, talking about kids. Amazing. Turns out we live only one burb over from each other.

Times like these make me wonder how many times I come near people who have been in my life but don't see them. Throughout my life I have had these experiences.

While living in Spain I befriended a couple of gals from Northwestern who were good friends with two friends of mine from HS in Fremont, NE. I moved back to MN from Fremont before my junior year in HS.

During college I became friends with a guy from SD. His senior year in HS he 'hosted' members from a band who were on tour and playing in his hometown. That band was from MN. The drummer was my boyfriend at the time. (We learned this after about 2 weeks of going to shows and talking about our SOs)

However, nothing beats the six degrees (more like one degree) with regards to my husband. On more than one occassion we know we were in the same room and/or at the same event but never crossed paths. As a mutual friend noted when I told her we were dating, "God waited until you were both in the right frame of mind before having you actually meet". I don't doubt it.

Fine. I'll Just Leave Then.

Do you ever find yourself wanting to act like a snotty teenager? Sometimes I just want to act like said snotty teenager and tell people at work to take this job and shove it where the sun don't shine.

This isn't new. But it has become more prevalent since Claire's arrival. I'd rather be at home watching her grow and develop than sit here and listen to them explain why they see the work I do to be a big pain in the hiney. As if I get off on having to fight them every flipping time we discuss training in this lovely Fortune 100 company.

What did I go to school for? So I could be like Sisyphus pushing the damn bolder all day? WHY do you pay me if you don't really want to listen to what I have to say? I don't come to work just to collect a pay check. I take pride in what I do and feel that the work I do should count for something. That I am an intelligent person who has a valid point of view that should be listened to. If you don't think what I do is valid then I'll stop coming here. See how much you like it when you have to find the answers yourself. Maybe the next time we're in a meeting I should tell you that I think our shareholders feel your job (insert whatever it may be) would be considered a waste of time and resources. I'm not kidding. Someone said that to me. My response - stunned silence. What I wanted to say. Go (insert bad word here) yourself.

Man am I pissy today.

It's not personal. I know that. I typically get along with most people in this company on a personal level. But if I hear one more time that training is a complete waste of their time and can't I get it straight that they don't need it I will be the one to shove it where the sun don't shine for them.

No LRT

I'm still depressed that there is no LRT on this bridge. I guess I 'get' that in order to obtain a certain level of funding and meet the timeline associated with said funding LRT was pushed to the wayside. But really. I hate to sound uncaring to those personally impacted by this tragedy but can't we look at this as an opportunity to move forward with alternative transportation in this so called 'progressive' state? This is an opportunity to rebuild a MAJOR transportation vein with LRT. One of the first things discussed when the collapse occurred was the volume of traffic crossing the bridge. Well. Do we think that is going to get any f'in lighter over the course of the next several years?

I used to bus into work when I lived in St. Paul and worked DT Mpls, crossing that bridge. It continued to be my main route into DT Mpls from the eastern subs (I live on the 'northern' edge). I would very much appreciate the option of using LRT for part of my journey to DT.

Why not take the bus you ask? Because in order for me to get to DT Mpls when I want to head there for fun, it takes well over an hour and the buses don't run all that often off peak commuting hours. Apparently people in the NE Metro only travel to DT Mpls during work hours.

People say it won't be used. People say we're just not that kind of a community. I say bullshit. If you build it - we will ride.

Flexible Dresser

Only in Minnesota, as they say, does the weather change 30 degrees in a 12 hour period. On Sunday I was sweating bullets, resisting the temptation to flip on the air. No... I won't do it. I won't turn the air on in October.

Monday brought relief after some storms rolled through from the south. Tuesday brings wind and cool air. And what's this? A chance of snow? It's a good thing I know how to dress in layers.

Gotta race

It was TC Marathon weekend this past weekend. While normally hearing the sounds of runners (they run right past our church) and seeing the elite runners glide past puts me in the running frame of mind. But the weather stifled any thoughts of putting on my running shoes. Thinking of running 26.2 in that steamy weather made my chest hurt. I heard people were dropping like flies. I've seen this and it isn't pretty. Also, I haven't run since the beginning of November of last year and my lazy bones (read thigh muscles) breathed a sigh of relief when I turned around and went to the car at a nice slow walk.

It did get me thinking about something I realized early last month. This will be the first year I won't have a race shirt - for any distance - since 1997. I started running 5k races in 1997 with my dad as a way to kick the smoking habit. Not long after (2001 or 2002) I ran the half at Grandmas and I trained for my first marathon in 2003 but was unable to run it due to a work commitment. I ran Grandma's the following year and have run the half at Grandmas three (maybe 4?) more times since my first. I have to look at my race shirts to confirm. I've yet to run the TC full marathon but have done the 10 mile twice. I really enjoy the half marathon distance. The training fits better into my hectic schedule, which is sure to be even more hectic as Claire grows.

I have been debating about trying to do the Reindeer Run in December - just so I can have a race shirt for 2007. But trying to run while nursing.... just doesn't work for me. Even with the right sports bra 3.1 miles of that doesn't appeal. I suppose I could register, run a little bit and walk the rest to get the shirt. But is it that important? My SIL looks at Claire and says I have run a different kind of race this year. Perhaps I will just chose to look at this 'gap' in race shirts as my ode to Claire's birth year and move on.

Once we get that jogger next year - Claire and I will be hitting the pavement and wearing out running shoes in no time.

Her father's genes

On a lighter note (see post below)... Ms. Claire has slept for 8+ hours the last three nights. Apparently, when she wants to, she can sleep like her dad and older sister. I had been reading about how many hours of sleep she should be getting during a 24 hour period and started to fret - she was at least 2-3 hours below that number. (I swear, all I do now is worry about how much she eats, sleeps, poops/pees).

She and I had a little conversation the other night that she needs to sleep better. I was referring to the daytime (she doesn't like to nap long during the day). She apparently took it to mean she should sleep through the night at 8 weeks gestational age. Who knew?

I thought I would LOVE the day she began sleeping through the night. Mentally I prepared myself for roughly 8 months of night wakings based on her gestational age. I wasn't prepared for this at 3.5 months! You would think I would be so excited - off in dream land appreciating the fact that I can get some shut eye. But I'm up every 4 hours anyway attached to the electric milking machine. So I go in and check to see if she is breathing.

I realize that this is not likely to last too long. She will go through another growth spurt and want to eat more any day now. And I'm OK with that. As much as I want my baby girl to sleep through the night because I know she needs the rest, I worry she isn't eating enough.

The nature of the beast

OK. I have always been a strong supporter of animals. I am a pet owner as are most of the members of my family and my friends. We all care a great deal for the animals we bring into our homes. In the past, when I have read about animals attacking people I have often wondered if someone or something spooked them, surely these normally docile beings are good animals and it was just a freak happening. People generalize and say that a certain breed of canine shouldn't be allowed around children. I've often felt that was too broad based. Not anymore.

My friend was recently attacked by a pit bull (story here). She was at this gathering with her 3 year old daughter. Luckily, her daughter didn't see her attacked but did see her afterwards bleeding. My friend is very shaken up and skittish. Apparently, the owners of the dog do not want it to be punished. I ask you... what would they be saying if the dog had gone after one of the children at this gathering rather than an adult?