Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Sheeee's baaack

This had to be one of the toughest Lenten seasons for me, thus far. Giving up accessing the internet for non-work related activities at work was very challenging. Especially given the sheer boredom I have been experiencing with kicking out culture survey reports for the last 3 weeks. (And the fun begins again in a mere 3 weeks - oh joy!). Nevertheless, I persevered. Kind of. I didn't make it the whole way but I did hold myself to only checking my email for the last two weeks up until Friday of last week. I felt I was close enough.

My life is such a bore I haven't much to share. Things are odd at work and I haven't really been feeling it lately. I had hit a stride in March and had grandiose ideas of moving into a new area and/or developing a new job of sorts, but lately I haven't cared to pursue either of those endeavors. After speaking with a colleague yesterday I think I figured it out... The negative energy in this place is bringing me down, man. In the last month we've heard of additional layoffs and now a retirement buy-out plan. No one is happy here. Coupled with survivor's guilt is a very large and looming fear that YOU WILL BE NEXT. I met up with a woman last week who had been here 20+ years and is the primary bread winner and benefits carrier for her family. She will be gone in 40 days and has no idea what to do in this very limited job market. Her story scared the hell out of me. I don't rightly know what we would do if I lost my job. I am the primary bread winner and carry the benefits for my family. You'd think that would motivate me to do more and more to entrench myself in this company so I am not axed. But something is off.... more and more I think about giving it all up and staying home with Little Missy. I think this has more to do with the negative energy getting to me than a real desire to leave the work world and be a SAHM. Boo hoo, right? I still have a job so keep my mouth shut.

On the home front Little Missy has moved into full blown stranger anxiety. Not sure where this came from, exactly, but she exhibited some of this behavior at my in-laws this past weekend. It passed after roughly 30 minutes.... But it will not be fun for the upcoming softball season. Last year, one of my fellow players daughters could entertain Little Missy and I fear that will not be the case this year. She is far more mobile and obstinate and has NO fear telling you what she thinks and running straight towards me like hell on wheels. I can just see her running out onto the field. Not a good thing. I think Grandma P will be helping us for a while until big sis gets out of school.

Race day is 4 days from now. I ran 7 a couple weeks ago so I think I'll make it :)