No one told me

Is it only those involved in PT or who have to subject themselves to PT who know how damn hard and painful it can be? I realize that is the whole point, but man alive. I almost felt humiliated (my own self doing - not because of anyone else) that my muscle's had atrophied to this level. Here's the skinny...

Bone scan = negative. Good news. Off to PT. Testing at PT shows that what my masseuse found on Saturday was more serious than she thought. My pelvis is tipped inward, due in large part to my muscle's not pulling in the right way. My psoas muscle has apparently been working it's little ass off since, well who really knows when. My new PT believes since Little Missy was born.

Possible side effect of having a c-section and not rehabbing my ab muscle's properly. Well, what I really learned is that my lazy-ass left hamstring has been on vacation for the better part of two freaking years. Wanna rethink training for a half-marathon, much??? No wonder my body finally screamed at me to "stop, stop, stop this idiocy!".

Apparently, my psoas has been pulling the weight of most of the muscles on the left side of my body. Of course it is much more scientific than that, but you get the drift. It doesn't know how not to fire. It has taken on the brunt of keeping me upright. Add to that I ran on it for an average of 15-20 miles a week for 7 weeks and didn't really build the other ab muscles around it.

Here's where the humiliation or self-loathing comes into play. During one of the tests my PT conducted, she asked me to put my legs on the wall at a 90' angle while I lie on my back. Push my heels into the wall and lift my arse off the table. She asked me what I felt. "Not much", I responded. "Put your hands on the hamstrings", she requested. I did. "OK", I said. "Do you notice that your left hamstring isn't even engaged?", she asks. Hmmm... well now that you mention it....

How do I not know that my hamstring is not working? How, as a running, lifting, yoga person do I not freaking know my body isn't' working? Shouldn't I be more in tune with myself? Where did I let myself go? This whole thought process repeated itself 20 minutes later when she taught me my new practices to re-teach my hamstring, hip abductors and glutes to work. I was shaking so badly after one of them that she expressed surprise at how hard my leg was working. I have been compensating for this for so long I don't know if my leg muscles even know they are part of this overall body. It's absolutely crazy.

It's gonna be an interesting road to recovery. I have to stand differently, sit differently and generally keep my mind on teaching my left hip to move 'back' into position. I am very curious to see how much this has impacted other parts of my body (knee, feet, back) after I get this baby back into shape.

Whoa. I'm getting old.

This whole weight thing

I'm debating... join WeightWatchers or not? I've picked up the pamphlet at work as there is a group that meets on campus and I've checked out the online option. I just can't seem to pull out my wallet and actually pay for it. Seems like I should be able to freaking do this on my own. I'm only looking to lose 10-15 lbs. For crying out loud, I know what I should and shouldn't be eating. Yet somehow it all goes down the tube into my ever-expanding tummy (and hips).

Interestingly, after my hip/back injury (fyi, jury is still out on what that whole thing might be) I seemed to lose weight. Funny. My guess.... muscle weighs more than fat and all that lovely toning I was doing while running 20-25 miles a week went to hell in a handbasket. While the scale may say one thing, my mind says another. It is only a matter of time before that number climbs its way back up. At least I still qualify to give blood, eh?

This whole only-recumbant-bike-or-swimming thing is just not working, despite my enjoyment of being able to read while working out (on the bike, not in the pool). You won't catch me at the pool unless I am toting around my toddler with other moms. At least most of us are carrying the same fat tire around our hips.

And the holidays are coming. And I like to bake. And I have ZERO willpower. Damn it.

Back for a spell

Where I have been the last two months?

1. Knee deep in work. I was selected to help facilitate a leadership development program for our organization. Very cool. Right up my ally and helped me network with some folks in HR. I enjoyed every minute of it and wish I could do it all day every day.

2. Chasing after my 2 year old who cracks me up every day.

3. Training for a half marathon I did not run. On my last long run before the race something happened. Couldn't tell you what. It was a cold, rainy, windy day and when running 12 miles I kinda check out. Didn't feel anything too horrific while running, just felt tired. Later that evening, I could not put any weight on my left leg. It wasn't my foot, ankle or knee, but my hip. After two weeks of attempting to let it heal itself I am resigning myself to a more serious injury and going in to see the doctor on Monday. After my lopsided run after a rogue beach ball down the street in the wind I realized that even though I wasn't running on it, it wasn't getting better. In fact, it hurt like a bitch.

4. Trying to stay awake. I fear Little Missy is an insomniac like her mother. She doesn't go to bed until late and often wakes up in the middle of the night. I cannot sleep on her floor anymore. It's killing my hip.

5. Monitoring my BP. After several months of watching my stats when going in to give blood, my doctor and I decided to incorporate BP meds into my daily routine. My dosage was upped earlier this week. Let's hope it does the trick.

That's Right Baby - Funkytown

As it is well known, I love this music town.

And the Hold Steady is one of my absolute favorite bands, both for their music and Finn's lyrics which always remind me of places around town (66th & Nicollet buried deep within a song).

Glad to see, while it may only be the Onion, other folks agree.

And the Atmosphere tune referenced in the article still ranks near the top of my all time top 10 songs.

I could have spent hours scouring my playlists searching for songs. Ahh... doing what I can to avoid work today.

As much as we need him...

I don't want him. Meigan, can you take him back?

Related article here, which I think makes a very, very good case.

Mental break

Stumbled upon this while taking a mental break developing an elearning course.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Absv00MBl50

Where has the summer gone?

Despite not going anywhere, except to my parents, the summer has flown by. I can't believe we will be into August in a mere 8 days. Yikes.

I am desperately trying to find a way to be a fanatic about exercising. I'm not sure what it is lately but I am not happy with the way things are looking on this frame. I no longer like my clothing, I dread putting on a swim suit and I am pissed that I can't enjoy eating because I continually think about how many calories it has... and then eat it anyway and feel guilty. I am always looking at other women who are mom's and thinking, why can't I be skinny and not have the muffin top? What type of jeans is she wearing, why doesn't her ass look like mine? I know, I know... everyone is different. I get it. But damnit, I don't like it.

Blah.