Thursday, December 03, 2009

Can I be a mallard?

Ok. This scares the crap out of me. I just read this in an article (yes, I know, why am I feeding into the tabloid fodder - we all know why this has once again become the 'talk' at the water cooler).

1 in 4.76
The odds an ever-married or cohabiting man has cheated during the relationship are 1 in 4.76 (US, 8/2004).

I'm not naive. I know couples who have faced that issue themselves. Some have stuck together, some have parted ways.

But it really scares me because if I do the math, that means that someone in my FAMILY could be that 'one'. Or someone in my close circle of friends could be that 'one'. This has to be one of my biggest fears. Always has been and has nothing to do with anything anyone in my circle has said, has to do with what goes on upstairs underneath the currently dyed red-ish brown hair. It is like the ultimate rejection and insult to me (outside of physcial abuse and abuse of my child, of course).

Why can't people commit to each other and be decent. I realize we are animals when you really get down to it, but even ducks stay committed damn it.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009


I have high expectations for myself. I seriously thought that I would have my hip back in shape by now. Had a check in last week and the PT Asst told me I was still twisted. No jokes, kids. Not that kind of twisted.

Now I have two more exercises to do bringing me to 5 a day with 5 sets each. I semi joked with her when she expressed concern it was too much that they had taken everything else away from me, so why not add two more. I can't run, do yoga and can only lift certain areas of the body. I'm going to have to seriously cut down my calorie intake to counterbalance this loss in exercise. Nice timing since we're heading into the big calorie time of year. Oh well. I'll need the extra layer of fat to keep me warm this winter.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

No one told me

Is it only those involved in PT or who have to subject themselves to PT who know how damn hard and painful it can be? I realize that is the whole point, but man alive. I almost felt humiliated (my own self doing - not because of anyone else) that my muscle's had atrophied to this level. Here's the skinny...

Bone scan = negative. Good news. Off to PT. Testing at PT shows that what my masseuse found on Saturday was more serious than she thought. My pelvis is tipped inward, due in large part to my muscle's not pulling in the right way. My psoas muscle has apparently been working it's little ass off since, well who really knows when. My new PT believes since Little Missy was born.

Possible side effect of having a c-section and not rehabbing my ab muscle's properly. Well, what I really learned is that my lazy-ass left hamstring has been on vacation for the better part of two freaking years. Wanna rethink training for a half-marathon, much??? No wonder my body finally screamed at me to "stop, stop, stop this idiocy!".

Apparently, my psoas has been pulling the weight of most of the muscles on the left side of my body. Of course it is much more scientific than that, but you get the drift. It doesn't know how not to fire. It has taken on the brunt of keeping me upright. Add to that I ran on it for an average of 15-20 miles a week for 7 weeks and didn't really build the other ab muscles around it.

Here's where the humiliation or self-loathing comes into play. During one of the tests my PT conducted, she asked me to put my legs on the wall at a 90' angle while I lie on my back. Push my heels into the wall and lift my arse off the table. She asked me what I felt. "Not much", I responded. "Put your hands on the hamstrings", she requested. I did. "OK", I said. "Do you notice that your left hamstring isn't even engaged?", she asks. Hmmm... well now that you mention it....

How do I not know that my hamstring is not working? How, as a running, lifting, yoga person do I not freaking know my body isn't' working? Shouldn't I be more in tune with myself? Where did I let myself go? This whole thought process repeated itself 20 minutes later when she taught me my new practices to re-teach my hamstring, hip abductors and glutes to work. I was shaking so badly after one of them that she expressed surprise at how hard my leg was working. I have been compensating for this for so long I don't know if my leg muscles even know they are part of this overall body. It's absolutely crazy.

It's gonna be an interesting road to recovery. I have to stand differently, sit differently and generally keep my mind on teaching my left hip to move 'back' into position. I am very curious to see how much this has impacted other parts of my body (knee, feet, back) after I get this baby back into shape.

Whoa. I'm getting old.

Monday, November 09, 2009

This whole weight thing

I'm debating... join WeightWatchers or not? I've picked up the pamphlet at work as there is a group that meets on campus and I've checked out the online option. I just can't seem to pull out my wallet and actually pay for it. Seems like I should be able to freaking do this on my own. I'm only looking to lose 10-15 lbs. For crying out loud, I know what I should and shouldn't be eating. Yet somehow it all goes down the tube into my ever-expanding tummy (and hips).

Interestingly, after my hip/back injury (fyi, jury is still out on what that whole thing might be) I seemed to lose weight. Funny. My guess.... muscle weighs more than fat and all that lovely toning I was doing while running 20-25 miles a week went to hell in a handbasket. While the scale may say one thing, my mind says another. It is only a matter of time before that number climbs its way back up. At least I still qualify to give blood, eh?

This whole only-recumbant-bike-or-swimming thing is just not working, despite my enjoyment of being able to read while working out (on the bike, not in the pool). You won't catch me at the pool unless I am toting around my toddler with other moms. At least most of us are carrying the same fat tire around our hips.

And the holidays are coming. And I like to bake. And I have ZERO willpower. Damn it.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Back for a spell

Where I have been the last two months?

1. Knee deep in work. I was selected to help facilitate a leadership development program for our organization. Very cool. Right up my ally and helped me network with some folks in HR. I enjoyed every minute of it and wish I could do it all day every day.

2. Chasing after my 2 year old who cracks me up every day.

3. Training for a half marathon I did not run. On my last long run before the race something happened. Couldn't tell you what. It was a cold, rainy, windy day and when running 12 miles I kinda check out. Didn't feel anything too horrific while running, just felt tired. Later that evening, I could not put any weight on my left leg. It wasn't my foot, ankle or knee, but my hip. After two weeks of attempting to let it heal itself I am resigning myself to a more serious injury and going in to see the doctor on Monday. After my lopsided run after a rogue beach ball down the street in the wind I realized that even though I wasn't running on it, it wasn't getting better. In fact, it hurt like a bitch.

4. Trying to stay awake. I fear Little Missy is an insomniac like her mother. She doesn't go to bed until late and often wakes up in the middle of the night. I cannot sleep on her floor anymore. It's killing my hip.

5. Monitoring my BP. After several months of watching my stats when going in to give blood, my doctor and I decided to incorporate BP meds into my daily routine. My dosage was upped earlier this week. Let's hope it does the trick.

Friday, August 21, 2009

That's Right Baby - Funkytown

As it is well known, I love this music town.

And the Hold Steady is one of my absolute favorite bands, both for their music and Finn's lyrics which always remind me of places around town (66th & Nicollet buried deep within a song).

Glad to see, while it may only be the Onion, other folks agree.

And the Atmosphere tune referenced in the article still ranks near the top of my all time top 10 songs.

I could have spent hours scouring my playlists searching for songs. Ahh... doing what I can to avoid work today.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

As much as we need him...

I don't want him. Meigan, can you take him back?

Related article here, which I think makes a very, very good case.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Mental break

Stumbled upon this while taking a mental break developing an elearning course.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Where has the summer gone?

Despite not going anywhere, except to my parents, the summer has flown by. I can't believe we will be into August in a mere 8 days. Yikes.

I am desperately trying to find a way to be a fanatic about exercising. I'm not sure what it is lately but I am not happy with the way things are looking on this frame. I no longer like my clothing, I dread putting on a swim suit and I am pissed that I can't enjoy eating because I continually think about how many calories it has... and then eat it anyway and feel guilty. I am always looking at other women who are mom's and thinking, why can't I be skinny and not have the muffin top? What type of jeans is she wearing, why doesn't her ass look like mine? I know, I know... everyone is different. I get it. But damnit, I don't like it.


Sunday, June 07, 2009


My heart hurts today. I just learned that a friend of mine, who has been battling cancer for a number of years, passed away this morning, the day after her 41st birthday.

She was one of the most beautiful women I have ever known. Her spirit, energy and light always made things 'right'. She brought something to this world. And I am sad to see her go, even though her pain is over and she is finally at peace.

I pray that her three young children always remember how wonderful their mama was and grow up knowing she was well loved by all.

When Little Missy wakes up from her nap today, we are going to spend some quality time together.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Music Lovers

Do you ever have those bands, or those singers, that no matter where you are in life, once you hear their sound or that voice you are instantly transported back in time to the place where you become familiar or intimate with that noise?

I am a self-proclaimed music fan. Some may say indie-rock snob. I once thought about opening my own club. My latter high school years and college days took place during the onslaught of indie rock gods. I grew up hating commercial radio and having indie rock guru's play nightly. I missed seeing the Replacements last show and never had the chance to see Husker Du live, but I did see various elements of these bands later in life and even saw Bob Mould and Grant Hart play together at an obscure 'reunion'. I think I spent enough money at First Ave that I swear the staircase on the west side of the main stage dance floor was financed by me.

Where is this going, you ask? What's up with posting this drivel when you haven't put anything up for 5 weeks?

As I sit here, kicking out more mundane reports (be happy you have a job, be happy you have a job!) I am listening to the radio and along came Dinosaur Jr. with a new release. They are one of those bands. The distinct sound of the guitar, J. Mascis' voice, they transport me back to the days when I had little responsibility and the big decisions in my life surrounded what bar I would be heading to later in the eve. Ahh... so nice.

Some of my favorites include Chris Cornell (damn those eyes), anything Jayhawks related, Run Westy Run (I was a HUGE Westy Fan) and many, many, more. Frank Black (or Black Francis as I first knew him). Primus anyone?

And I about fell out of my chair (had I been sitting) when my Step started singing a Hold Steady song while I was vacuuming. I have been a fan of Craig Finn (another voice that will transport me) since his Lifter Puller days. To hear my 16 year old Step sing along was a bit of a shocker. Does that make me a geezer holding onto her old life? Did they sell out to the younger kids? Is my Step cooler than I give her credit for? I am very possessive of 'my bands', some of who hold some weird kind of hold over me. It was odd... very odd. But, alas. I am growing old and I can't get to shows like I used to and it is good that new generation is being turned onto good rock.

However, if she starts kicking out some hardcore punk, we might just have to talk.... I am, after all, a mother now.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Sheeee's baaack

This had to be one of the toughest Lenten seasons for me, thus far. Giving up accessing the internet for non-work related activities at work was very challenging. Especially given the sheer boredom I have been experiencing with kicking out culture survey reports for the last 3 weeks. (And the fun begins again in a mere 3 weeks - oh joy!). Nevertheless, I persevered. Kind of. I didn't make it the whole way but I did hold myself to only checking my email for the last two weeks up until Friday of last week. I felt I was close enough.

My life is such a bore I haven't much to share. Things are odd at work and I haven't really been feeling it lately. I had hit a stride in March and had grandiose ideas of moving into a new area and/or developing a new job of sorts, but lately I haven't cared to pursue either of those endeavors. After speaking with a colleague yesterday I think I figured it out... The negative energy in this place is bringing me down, man. In the last month we've heard of additional layoffs and now a retirement buy-out plan. No one is happy here. Coupled with survivor's guilt is a very large and looming fear that YOU WILL BE NEXT. I met up with a woman last week who had been here 20+ years and is the primary bread winner and benefits carrier for her family. She will be gone in 40 days and has no idea what to do in this very limited job market. Her story scared the hell out of me. I don't rightly know what we would do if I lost my job. I am the primary bread winner and carry the benefits for my family. You'd think that would motivate me to do more and more to entrench myself in this company so I am not axed. But something is off.... more and more I think about giving it all up and staying home with Little Missy. I think this has more to do with the negative energy getting to me than a real desire to leave the work world and be a SAHM. Boo hoo, right? I still have a job so keep my mouth shut.

On the home front Little Missy has moved into full blown stranger anxiety. Not sure where this came from, exactly, but she exhibited some of this behavior at my in-laws this past weekend. It passed after roughly 30 minutes.... But it will not be fun for the upcoming softball season. Last year, one of my fellow players daughters could entertain Little Missy and I fear that will not be the case this year. She is far more mobile and obstinate and has NO fear telling you what she thinks and running straight towards me like hell on wheels. I can just see her running out onto the field. Not a good thing. I think Grandma P will be helping us for a while until big sis gets out of school.

Race day is 4 days from now. I ran 7 a couple weeks ago so I think I'll make it :)

Saturday, March 14, 2009

A month of catching up.

Fine. My new scale can calculate BMI. Fine. I'm not happy about my number. Fine. I'll go run some more. I weighed myself this afternoon. Blah. Blah. Blah.

(I know it's been forever since I posted and I start off bitching.)

Not a whole lot has been shaking these days. I gave up accessing the internet for non-work-related activities, while at work, for lent. I've been quite productive at work these days. Driving the desk has been hectic, I still don't have this two bosses thing down. But I have tried to make some connections over the course of the last two weeks to help in the career development world. However, I sometimes think that when the economy gets back on line I may jump ship for a mid-size... something just doesn't feel right. I don't know if it is company size or being a compliance trainer.

Nevertheless, I have made some friends at work and some of them are as insane as me. Three of us are joining a 4th for a 50k next month. We each run 7.25 miles, which doesn't sound too bad, until you add in the layer that part of this run is up a freaking ski jump. No freaking joke. A ski jump.

Before I started training for this task I pulled the trigger and went into the doc. I was diagnosed with asthma early in my pregnancy with Little Missy and I never did anything about it until now. Last year I wasn't training and I could tolerate not breathing well for a few weeks. This year I felt it was in my best interest to finally follow up on this whole inability to breathe thing. The doc gave me an inhaler to try and so far I have used it before every run. It seems to help a lot during the run. I'm still struggling at bit a night but I'm trying to use it sparingly.

The biggest thing cooking these days is my quest for a new ride. My SD is the lucky recipient of my current ride once she turns 16. I like my ride but it's not the most convenient when the SD and Little Missy are in the car. How often does that happen you ask? Enough times with the visits to family, etc. So, I'm looking to upgrade. Husband and I went to the nearest Toyota and Honda dealers to test drive the Prius, Camry Standard, Camry Hybrid and Honda Accord. It's down to a toss up between the Camry Hybrid and the Accord. The Accord is more stylish and has a great interior but doesn't ride as well as the Hybrid. Plus... it's a hybrid. I dig the idea of buying something that supports fuel efficiency and flexibility. Ugh... I hate making a decision about what I am going to drive with a mere 20 minutes of driving. Maybe I should just flip a coin. Peanut gallery, any thoughts?

Friday, February 06, 2009

I'm not that old!!

I found a freaking gray hair at the gym this week. A gray hair. On my head.

I'll be the first to admit I have a bit more stress in my life these days, but really, going gray in my mid-30s. That's a little too much to handle, dear readers. Remind me to ask my mamacita when she started going gray. I know she has been coloring for oh too many years to count.

Hmph. This getting old thing sucks.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

It's been a while

So much has happened since I last logged in... this new role at work is going to be a time sapper for sure. Oh well, once I get into a rhythm I'm sure I'll have a bunch of new horror stories from the front lines of corporate America to share. It is kinda odd when you head to a gathering on your floor and overhear the following, "while I was on the phone with the Justice Department discussing the ramifications of how this might play out with FOIA". I'm in a different world these days. While I won't be able to share details, this exposure will certainly open my eyes to the inner workings of yet another part of the corporate world. 

What's been happening in our world? God bless my liberal counterparts. I was able to watch the inauguration with coworkers on the 10th floor when they brought over two TVs. Even thought it was hazy it was powerful. Simply awesome to watch. A felt myself getting emotional on several occassions, just happiness to be witnessing this in my lifetime. Much like most of us with children who, we hope, will think us oddities for having to explain why it means so much to have an African-American in the highest office in our land, my little one had no clue about the enormity of this day. I dream of a day when Little Missy will live in a world where the color of someone's skin has nothing to do with whether he/she can do a job. 

Speaking of Little Missy.... I've been lax in taking photos as of late. I'll try to be better, promise. She has been quite busy as of late. She went to the Children's Museum twice in the last week and loved it both times. She digs running around like a free bird. She also ate out at a restaurant for the first time in ages last week. Mom was ill prepared and had NOTHING with her but we survived. Shows me that she can do more than I give her credit for... She has been working on her shapes and can identify lots of stuff. And she is getting 4 new teeth. 

Yesterday we headed to an Austin reunion with the kids. Good times were had by all and we were pleasantly surprised when Kate showed up. I don't think I've laid eyes on Ms. Kate since our graduation years ago (too many to count). Our 7 delightful girls played well together and it was so nice to meet and see this group of future world leaders all in one spot. Pictures of our fun can be found here and here. Thanks for hosting FP & FPGal! 

I am child free today as the hubby took Little Missy out to his mom's for some quality Grandma time. What to do?? I have a whole list of things to get too so I'd best get off to it! 

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Living like the other half

Last night the hubby and I had a date night with our friends. On a Tuesday night, are you silly, you ask? Not when the tickets are free, baby.

Our pal own a local HVAC company and the insurance agent comped him with tickets to the TWolves game last night. Tickets for this venue are not hard to come by these days and none of us (we went with he and his wife) are huge basketball fans, but let me tell ya, you don't pass up this opportunity.

It started with valet parking, on the coldest night of the year, I might add. Then we had free drinks (wine, beer, soda or water) and food before the game. We walked in and found our seats on the floor. Yes, the floor. I have never sat on the floor for a game before. As we were getting seated, the Wolves were warming up and a bball hit Jr in the head. Kevin Love walked over and apologized. Holy crap are these guys tall, I thought.

We sat down to watch the game, just to the left of the basket and thoroughly enjoyed being a spectator. Hearing the plays and defenses being called, watching the speed of the game from that perspective. What fun, although I could have done without the danceline lining up in front of us (jesus girls, put some clothing on and then go get something to eat, seriously).

We had the opportunity to head back into the restaurant for free drinks during half time, at which point I called my mom and said, "turn on the TV!! Your daughter and SIL are on TV!!". Don't know if she found the station or not... During the second half I was blessed with having the camera man turn around (because I nearly had my foot on his back on night) and put me on the jumbo-tron. Dang that is intimidating. Plus, you don't really want to look up because all peeps would see if your nose hairs so I have no idea how I looked.

It was a good game, unfortunately we lost by 3, but it was tight to the end.

I have attached a pic of my ticket since I know I will never again in my life hold something that cost this much for a sporting event. Yes, you are reading correctly. Each ticket was $750.00.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Must... lead... healthier... life

I'm tired. All the time.

My blood pressure is bordering on hypertension. Today it was 'low' at 132/92. Yes, folks that is scary.

I need to lose 10 pounds. No joke. Does weight watchers accept people who are trying to lose only 10 lbs?

I have hives and I don't know what is causing them.

How did this happen to me? How long ago did I run that marathon? When did this happen? It feels like it happened over night (which, it did not). Instead of having thoughts along the lines of "I'll never let myself look like that person over there" I have moved onto thoughts of "Damn those skinny bitches. Genetics suck."

Seriously, what the hell happened?

My life needs to change NOW or I fear I will not be alive for my daughters high school graduation.

Getting old sucks too.