No, that's not how long it took me to run the race. That pain ended in 31:22. Too slow in my book, but it was cold and there were hills, damn it. My friend who I ran with last night felt like it might have been a bit longer than 5k, too. We're going to snag a fellow runner pal and run the course with her GPS watch. We'll get to the bottom of this!
That's the amount of sleep I got last night. This insomnia is getting worse. I woke up somewhere around 1am and went downstairs to see what my hubby was doing as I couldn't sleep. Nothing helps. I went to the couch. I sat in child's pose downstairs. I tried to go to my calm place. Nothing. I think I finally fell asleep somewhere around 5am with my earplugs in and my head under the pillow. This is getting out of hand.
In the past, this has occurred when I have been a) extremely stressed about work/life or b) bored out of my damn mind. I'm not stressed (other than not sleeping) so I am leaning towards 'b'. I'm bored. My job is boring. My life is a pattern of the same thing over and over and over. I'm stuck in a rut.
How can you be in a rut with a toddler, you ask? Aren't things always changing? Yes and no. Yes, she is starting to communicate better and getting into more things but it's always the same routine when I get home from work. Eat, play with her by myself, put her to bed, watch TV, go to sleep, wake up in the middle of the freaking night. Oh, bath night is in there once in awhile.
The real boredom is at work. I am so freaking bored. I find my ability to stay focused severely limited. I am no longer excited about this job or the material. And I am sick of my work being torn apart, rewritten and commented on again and again when it has been published. Sensitive, you say? Maybe a little, but I will say it again. My job is to translate legal jargon into 'normal person' speak. When you red line and rewrite it, why should I bother even trying to put something together in the first place. Just write the thing yourself.
I know I should be thankful. For my family, having a job in this economy and for my health. I feel guilty being upset about the boredom of my life but can't seem to get myself to snap out of this. The kicker is that actually sleeping would likely make me a happier person who wouldn't dwell on this crap.
I'm rambling this morning. This is one of those instances where I should listen to the saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".
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3 comments:
I don't know how you do it. I would go insane if I couldn't sleep - in fact I DO go insane when I don't get enough sleep. Maybe you can solve your boredom problem (it never hurts to just look...right?) and then it'll solve your sleep problem.
I know how you feel about the "rut." How is it possible to feel so stuck!? I hear ya...I can offer no advice, only commiseration.
I'm also awfully bored at my job. And it eats at me sometimes. I look, but nothing out there appeals right now either.
Hang in there. When I was in treatment and couldn't sleep because I'd only slept because I passed out for the last five years, their favorite saying is, "You'll sleep when you take your dirt nap."
NOT FUNNY. But seriously. Your body will finally give in when it has to. I hate it for you.
Congrats on the 5k - that's a great time for not having raced in so long!!! I'm so bad - I missed the turkey day 5k for the first time in years.
I hope you can catch up on sleep. That will help everything.
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