Mediocrity

Some days, most days really, I feel mediocre. I have big dreams of making an impact in this world and when I get to work, whatever work I'm in, I don't seem to have the magic to make it happen. Call it a lack of attention to detail, failure to delegate, inability to see the huge big picture and put it all together in a heartbeat, whatever... I just can't make it happen. I'm middle of the road. No superstar. Someone who people just don't think of when it comes to a new role or opportunity. I know I should be happy with where I am, I make pretty good dough, I can go home and not take my work with me, and my bosses essentially like me. But I'm not sure I'm done. I'm not sure this is where I want to cap out on my career.

I feel stuck. I feel stupid. I feel inadequate. And at the same time I feel underutilized. It's like... there is something out there I could do that would be effective, fun and motivating. But I can't find it. Or I am kidding myself that 'that' something exists. Today is a day when I feel like it doesn't. That I am just kidding myself. That I am anything but a drain on society and I'd be better of sitting in my cube and not raising my head. Because I don't really bring anything to the game anyway.

What am I good at? I have no idea. Connecting people to other people? Matchmaking in the corporate world, to some degree. I wish there was a way to make a living off connecting people. Only becuase I love learning about people and helping them find other people who can help them and grow. But alas, there isn't. So I try to put out product that inevitably gets ripped to shreads and all I am is a glorified admin for a couple of blokes who apparently think I have no effing brain.