No one told me

Is it only those involved in PT or who have to subject themselves to PT who know how damn hard and painful it can be? I realize that is the whole point, but man alive. I almost felt humiliated (my own self doing - not because of anyone else) that my muscle's had atrophied to this level. Here's the skinny...

Bone scan = negative. Good news. Off to PT. Testing at PT shows that what my masseuse found on Saturday was more serious than she thought. My pelvis is tipped inward, due in large part to my muscle's not pulling in the right way. My psoas muscle has apparently been working it's little ass off since, well who really knows when. My new PT believes since Little Missy was born.

Possible side effect of having a c-section and not rehabbing my ab muscle's properly. Well, what I really learned is that my lazy-ass left hamstring has been on vacation for the better part of two freaking years. Wanna rethink training for a half-marathon, much??? No wonder my body finally screamed at me to "stop, stop, stop this idiocy!".

Apparently, my psoas has been pulling the weight of most of the muscles on the left side of my body. Of course it is much more scientific than that, but you get the drift. It doesn't know how not to fire. It has taken on the brunt of keeping me upright. Add to that I ran on it for an average of 15-20 miles a week for 7 weeks and didn't really build the other ab muscles around it.

Here's where the humiliation or self-loathing comes into play. During one of the tests my PT conducted, she asked me to put my legs on the wall at a 90' angle while I lie on my back. Push my heels into the wall and lift my arse off the table. She asked me what I felt. "Not much", I responded. "Put your hands on the hamstrings", she requested. I did. "OK", I said. "Do you notice that your left hamstring isn't even engaged?", she asks. Hmmm... well now that you mention it....

How do I not know that my hamstring is not working? How, as a running, lifting, yoga person do I not freaking know my body isn't' working? Shouldn't I be more in tune with myself? Where did I let myself go? This whole thought process repeated itself 20 minutes later when she taught me my new practices to re-teach my hamstring, hip abductors and glutes to work. I was shaking so badly after one of them that she expressed surprise at how hard my leg was working. I have been compensating for this for so long I don't know if my leg muscles even know they are part of this overall body. It's absolutely crazy.

It's gonna be an interesting road to recovery. I have to stand differently, sit differently and generally keep my mind on teaching my left hip to move 'back' into position. I am very curious to see how much this has impacted other parts of my body (knee, feet, back) after I get this baby back into shape.

Whoa. I'm getting old.

This whole weight thing

I'm debating... join WeightWatchers or not? I've picked up the pamphlet at work as there is a group that meets on campus and I've checked out the online option. I just can't seem to pull out my wallet and actually pay for it. Seems like I should be able to freaking do this on my own. I'm only looking to lose 10-15 lbs. For crying out loud, I know what I should and shouldn't be eating. Yet somehow it all goes down the tube into my ever-expanding tummy (and hips).

Interestingly, after my hip/back injury (fyi, jury is still out on what that whole thing might be) I seemed to lose weight. Funny. My guess.... muscle weighs more than fat and all that lovely toning I was doing while running 20-25 miles a week went to hell in a handbasket. While the scale may say one thing, my mind says another. It is only a matter of time before that number climbs its way back up. At least I still qualify to give blood, eh?

This whole only-recumbant-bike-or-swimming thing is just not working, despite my enjoyment of being able to read while working out (on the bike, not in the pool). You won't catch me at the pool unless I am toting around my toddler with other moms. At least most of us are carrying the same fat tire around our hips.

And the holidays are coming. And I like to bake. And I have ZERO willpower. Damn it.