We attended our prenatal class this weekend at the hospital where we will deliver. There wasn't a whole lot of new stuff I hadn't read about or heard about from my sister and friends who have had babies but it still gave me pause. There is so much that I can't control about what is going to happen the day our baby decides to come into the world. For a control freak like me, this is both a great learning opportunity and the scariest damn thing in the world.
I really want to avoid taking any narcotics and/or an epidural but not knowing how I will handle the pain.... I guess I'll just have to try as best I can and see what happens. I've been told my passing of kidney stones without any medication might give some indication as to how much pain I can handle. However, I was 20 years old at the time and in OK physical condition. I don't think my body is as 'flexible' as it was nearly 15 years ago. Nor does the tattoo across my spine give any evidence that I will be able to tackle pain. These were all temporary periods of discomfort. Not passing a 7 lb person through 10 cm. I am most scared of the tearing. Sorry to be so graphic but it really scares the crap out of me. For some reason I feel I could handle most of the contractions but the idea of tearing (which EVERYONE does) scares me.
One thing I know ~ I will be an emotional train wreck. I couldn't make it through the birthing video without crying. Some out of fear, some out of the emotions I felt from the experience of watching a woman deliver (without any meds - not what she had planned btw) from A-Z. I remember watching something in health class in junior high/high school but of course, at that time it didn't really make an impact on me. Now it's a totally different story. I leaned over and told Pete he can expect me to be weepy, angry, swearing (what else is new?), clingy and just about everything else all in the course of 12-18 hours. Did you know 12-18 hours is the average time labor takes for first time mothers?? That is from the very beginning with small contractions to the delivery of the placenta. Amazing. I do remember when my sister delivered it was somewhere around this mark. I was in Portland on a business trip but got a call while I was at dinner that she had gone into the hospital and I tried calling her when I got up in the morning. Apparently, she was in the last efforts of delivering Alex. Whoops. Nothing like having your sister call and have to listen to a telephone peeling in your ear while you are trying to remain calm. She kindly responded when I apologized after taking an early flight home that she heard the phone ring and knew it was me so in some way I was there without being at the hospital.
Despite all the fears and anxiety I am getting anxious for our little girl to join us. Will she be blond and blue-eyed like Pete or will she be a brown hair, brown-eyed girl like her mom? Right now, she is listening to the Gear Daddies through the headphones on my belly. I figured I needed to encourage her to have a diverse understanding of music so in addition to classical music I have been playing the Dead, Neil Diamond (who she will learn well), Bob Dylan and a whole host of others. I have yet to play her any hardcore punk rock. I think I'll wait on that one.
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2 comments:
Ah Holly - you'll do great. You have such fierce determination & so much heart that I have no doubts in your abilities when the time comes. :) Your yoga should help with the, uh, tearing, yes? I can only imagine your excitement at all the possibilities of what little Miss W will look like & be like!!!
Yes, Carrie is right. You'll do wonderfully! I would be scared, too, though. And so excited!
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