The Mind of a Cube Jockey

Foighne

2011-01-05T11:54:00.003-06:00

This single word is what I keep repeating to myself. When I get frustrated with Little Ms. C, think about my job (a that is a mess peeps, a mess), think about moving to a new school district (urgh, we, along with the rest of the world (I know) have lost their shirts, pants and shoes on this freaking "investment"), and losing weight.

I'm thinking about getting the Gaelic spelling of patience (foighne) or the Gaelic phrase "bíodh foighne agat" (have patience) tattooed on my inner right forearm. I'm leaning towards simply "foighne" because of space. But that costs money, and if you read my last post, you know I am trying to save that precious thing.

Those who know me (which is all of you) know I have little patience. Never have had it. Type A driver with a short fuse is how I am best described. So, five days into the new year I'm ready to go bonkers already because things aren't happening as quickly as I'd like. Nor, in many cases, are they happening the way I want. So maybe I should get my left forearm tatted with something like stay flexible. I looked that up and "ligean chugat is uait a bheith agat" seems the most accurate. (Dang we Irish like to make phrases long -- see, no patience). Solúbtha is the adjective but it's not really addressing people...

I need patience to get me through the winter. (I hate it.)
I need patience to deal with a preschooler who, like her mother, likes to exert control. (We butt heads. A lot.)
I need patience to see what happens with my job. (I have NO control here - which is itself an issue and no clear path about what my future holds. Very scary when you are the primary bread winner for your small clan.)
I need to be patient about losing weight. (I went to the doctor today and was absolutely horrified to learn how much weight I had gained since I last visited.) *I seriously expected this to already be lower. Keep in mind, I just started working out again on Monday. Monday, people. Monday. It's Wednesday. And my mind thinks I should be down three pounds by now. Not up three pounds.

Patience.

2011 Resolutions

2011-01-03T11:27:00.003-06:00

Ok. I read about something in an article in the paper recently that I am going to begin modeling. For nearly 3.5 years (note that is roughly the age of my one and only child) I have been attempting to lose weight. More accurately, this began BEFORE I had Little Ms. C and I just gave up when I got pregnant.

The article shared the story of a woman who turned her life around by committing to exercise and blogging about it. A la an amiga of mine who shall remain linkless (you know who you are Triathalon Mama)and my rockin' chica Kate, you may find more exercise posts than I have had in the past. I need something, SOMETHING, to keep me on track. I have tried a number of things and just can't seem to keep the pounds off. So, we'll try this.

Resolution #1: My intention is to exercise 5 days a week at minimum. I have been given the approval to begin a return to run program from my PT and I swear I am going to get back on that horse.

Resolution #2: Stop stepping on the damn scale. A number of articles I have read recently tell me not to focus on a weight goal. That is very hard for me as I have the "magic number" constantly floating around in my head. I am, what you may call, an obsessive weigher. Those numbers keep me moving. But they also depress me. A lot.

Resolution #3: Stop buying clothing. (this, btw also relates to another resolution I have to stop spending so much darn $$) I get depressed when I buy clothing. Yet I shop and shop and shop. Maybe if I stopped buying the clothing and went shopping after I lost the weight I wouldn't feel like such a fat ass. And let me tell you, my ass is getting fat.

Resolution #4: Track calories. This will be the one that flies out the window first, folks. (How's that for dedication?) I just find it a pain in the ass to measure out my food and jot it down somewhere. I don't eat out of boxes as I am blessed with a husband who cooks. Therefore, most of what I eat isn't in a convenient drop down list on Spark.com. So I guess. And I get pissed and I drop it b/c for heaven's sake this is a pain in the rear. If anyone has any ideas on a better way to do this - I'd love to hear them.

I'd love to hear if anyone has any success stories to share with either a)sticking with new year resolutions or b)losing weight. I'm all ears (and flab).

The Saga Continues

2010-10-05T08:38:00.003-05:00

Not the potty training saga. The physical therapy saga.

Finally after nearly a year (really! holy cow!) of physcial therapy I mentioned to my GP that I still didn't feel like I was fixed. That there are days with a lot of pain and what I refer to as 'the weakness'. She is a sports med doc but said that there is another bloke in her office who is even more of a sports med geek than she, so she thought it would behoove me to have a visit with him.

I did, last week, and now have an appointment with a NEW physical therapist for 6:45am on Friday (yes, that reads A.M. - what I won't do to be fixed, I tell ya). This particular PT is a myofascial dude who is, in a sense, going to deep tissue massage the heck out of three particular trouble areas that seem to be holding me back. Something isn't allowing me to stay 'balanced' or in alignment for longer than an hour or so. The new doc thinks this may be the answer.

This is going to be painful. When people hear massage they think relaxing and yoga music and all that great stuff. Now, I love massages like that but I know all too well how this one is going to work. My lovely masseuse has done one or two of these for me in the past and I walk out of there feeling like she beat the crap out of me.

But someone has to break this connection that my muscle's have to the tissue. According to my new doc this guys is a miracle worker. We'll see.

Update on our Number 2 Saga

2010-09-14T12:06:00.002-05:00

Thank you to those who sent prayers our way.

We had success on Friday and Saturday. Interestingly, both in the potty. We were pretty excited and did our happy dances and cheered and told her how proud we were of her for her efforts.

Sunday came and went without any success. We 'held strong' and refused to let her use the diaper.

Monday we caved. Because we don't want to have the same issue we had last week. The diaper returned.

We'll see where we go from here. I'm willing to forgo the potty if it means she goes.

Prayers for Little Miss C

2010-09-10T11:00:00.004-05:00

*ALERT* Another poop post. Seriously, if you can't deal with reading about poop. Skip this post.

I need help, universe. I need help managing my frustration and anger. I need help controlling my reactions and responses. I need help. And I need prayers for my little one.

Little Miss C is on day five. Day five of not pooping. This is typically when we have broken down and given her a suppository. But we've decided to not go that route this time. We've come to that twice in the last month or so and she does not do well. Sure, the desired effect of removing the blockage happens, but she gets pale, shaky and overall just looks like hell. It clearly has side affects that are less than desirable. Less desirable than what she is dealing with now? We'll see.

So, here we sit on day five with a little girl who had a hard time sleeping last night because her tummy was cramping. I had to put her in the diaper over night - which we've been out of for over a month - because she is seeping. When she woke this morning I had to give her a quick bath to clean her up.

And she still wouldn't poop.

So we got dressed and she ate her waffle, squirming and clenching the whole time, crying. She finally went and sat on the potty but wouldn't poop. Or even pee for that matter.

Can you imagine the pain she is in?

And I'm not helping. I see how she is hurting herself and all I can think of is how much damage she could be doing to herself. And I just don't get it. I don't. I can't get her to change her mind that it would be better if she just pooped.

People tell me that it may be because she is afraid of losing part of herself. But I don't know if I buy that. When she is pooping, we don't get a sense of that at all - in fact she is proud that she has pooped.

Other ideas are that she is scared that is will hurt. That I get. You bet it will, because we are on day five. It hurts when we're on day three. This girl needs to poop every day or we have a problem. Not kidding you.

Fiber the issue, don't think so. My girl eats her veggies and fruits all day every day. Back her off milk, already doing that. Cheese. Out. Bananas. No more.

I can't focus. I walked halfway into work this morning before realizing that I left my laptop in the car. I have no patience with anyone else. Especially if people won't listen to me. I have to figure out how to let this go.

Please send prayers her way. I know it sounds trite, but we need all the help we can get. This vicious cycle needs to stop.

Lost speed

2010-08-27T10:33:00.002-05:00

I should be happy that I ran 2.1 miles last night and appear to be mostly pain free today. However, all I can think about it my pace. Average of nearly 12 minute miles. I've lost a lot of speed.

I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. The fact that I am running, and as the Hubby pointed out last night, should make me happy.

But I'm struggling with the fact that I've lost my speed. I look at my cottage cheese thighs and get angry. Come back muscle! Come back speed! Come back strength so I can feel the ground under me fly by at my normal 9-10 minute mile pace.

It's just softball, folks

2010-08-26T08:39:00.002-05:00

For most of my adult life I have played softball. In the summer I play in a women's league for women 25+. This league is run by our local Catholic Athletic Association.

For the last three years I have played co-ed ball in the fall with members of our church. I've also played some co-ed ball with friends in years past. And let me just say this. I don't like playing with the men. Outside of the Hubby, who is a competitive person but not in this sport, and a handful of other men, it's very frustrating. I've been playing ball for what.... nearly 30 years now. I manage a team with a winning record in the summer league. I coached girls softball for several years. I think I know what the hell I am doing. This doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, but I don't need to be told when to cover home (as I am now relegated to catcher - which I don't actually mind) and when I need to make a tag versus having a force. Yeah. Kinda know that thanks. And if I see another man call off a woman who clearly has a bead on the ball - I'm apt to go out and kick his ass.

Last night was the first night the Hubby and I played with our team in the fall league. I was hesitant to return this year because it was somewhat trying last year. Last night put the icing on the cake for me. It was an especially intense game as we were playing our sister team, More. We, Even More, were down one female player so we played short in the field. As an aside, we were also playing on AstroTurf - quite a different playing field! Regardless, those two things had little impact on the reason I have decided I no longer want to play next year.

Each team had female players essentially mowed down by male players who are, what, I don't know, trying to make some point about how good of athletes they are? It turned into a near fight with one player on each team yelling at each other and in a nutshell, threatening to fight one another. No kidding people. There was talk about smashing someones face and all that male bull that gets thrown out when things get out of hand.

Um... did I mention we go to church with the vast majority of these people? The Hubby, being the sane male he is, stayed out of all of it. I, being the shortest player on both teams, stayed out of it. But it made my blood boil.

I deal with egos all freaking day at work. ALL day. I want to go to the field to play a fun game and enjoy myself. The reaction of these two males ruined the rest of the game for me. I wanted to speak to no one. When the More player came to the plate I wanted very much to hit him upside the head and ask him who the hell he thinks he is making this uncomfortable for the rest of us. Mind you, I wanted to do the same to the player on our team but I didn't have to - his mom was there so she took care of that matter on our behalf.

Needless to say, I'm done with co-ed ball. Unless I can find a team of guys who refuse to let their hormones (and you talk about women - yeesh! no wonder we have to many freaking wars) dictate how they will react to one another.

A new goal = lose 10-15 lbs

2010-07-07T09:13:00.004-05:00

I went to meet a nutritionist yesterday. I've been off the wagon for quite some time and my continued hip issues haven't helped much. I find excuses to not exercise. Which all leads to weight gain, which furrther exacerbates the hip issue.

So I took the first step and decided that I needed some guidance on how to eat better. Really, I know what I should and shouldn't eat. What I need is accountability. I'm blessed that my company contracts with a nutritionist and my visit to her was at no cost. I return to her in two weeks and in the meantime I am logging everything I eat.

We spent 30 minutes chatting about my eating habits and where I need to make adjustments. Overall, she wasn't disappointed in me, but I need to make some pretty definite changes - like upping the fiber intake by another 5-10 grams a day. You'd think that would be easy... but I've also been put on a 1400/day calorie goal. So I've obviously got to cut a bunch of other non-helpful stuff out of my diet. In addition, I need to change my snacking from a single carb or single protein to a combo. And I have to drop a snack unless I am working out that day.

Yesterday didn't go as well as I would have liked - I ended up over 1400 but hopefully not by too much. My dear hubby already went grocery shopping and stocked me up with dried fruits, nuts, string cheese and fresh veggies from the farmer's market. I packed myself some snacks for the week and hope that having them readily available will stop me from choosing less healthy alternatives.

Typically, it takes my body roughly a week to adjust. And I get a bit hangry (hungry+angry). The next several days are going to be tough as I am giving blood tomorrow (need more than 1400 calories so I don't faint when I get off the chair), I am getting together with some pals on Saturday and have a graduation party on Friday. I just need to stay focused and not go overboard.

The trials of the potty. An example of bad parenting.

2010-06-22T09:06:00.005-05:00

WARNING!!! This post contains numerous references to poop.

I suppose I should count my blessings that thus far in life the only true 'trial' we're experiencing with Little Miss C is her unwillingness to use the potty. Where she gets this stubborn streak from, I have no idea... (what? Do I hear my parents laughing hysterically in the background? And saying, "payback is a bitch?")

One day she will go well - tell us every time she has to go and go fairly quickly. Other days it is a trial to get her to go into the bathroom and she takes forever - or doesn't go. It wouldn't be a big issue if she didn't go but we're still in that stage where we will be out somewhere and we fear she will have an issue. Like last night at my department picnic. We made three trips to the bathroom (where I had to hold onto her b/c her tiny hiney would have fallen in) with no success. Talk about stage fright.

And pooping. She hasn't done if for three whole days. She WON'T poop in the potty. Simply won't do it. So we've been the bad parents that allow her to still poop in her diaper. I fear she will be like a friend's daughter who has been going #1 in the potty for nearly a year but still won't poop on the potty. But what else are we to do?

It's seriously stressing me out. Which I know she picks up on. She is so close... but she is scared. I don't know what else to do. I've upped the bribe (she gets M&Ms if she goes) to six M&Ms and still nothing. I even gave her the chance to go in her diaper Sunday night but she said she didn't want to, because she was three. Now I'm afraid she is impacted.

I hate this. I just want her to get it over with and do it.

Rhubarb & Strawberries

2010-06-01T20:42:00.003-05:00

Did you know rhubarb is a vegetable. I did not. You learn something new every day.

Our strawberry patch has been kicking out berries to the tune of 1 cup a day. We've been keeping up so far with eating them. But we're going to burn out soon. I grabbed one cup this week (or so) and made some delicious strawberry banana muffins (which had what we thought would be a bit too much vanilla due to some inadvertent help from Little Miss C - but they turned out delish!).

I'm debating about strawberry rhubarb concoctions. My step-grandmother makes some great pies... but I'm jonsing for some crisp or cobbler. Dear husband is voting for cobbler. And since I am asking him to stop at the farmer's market tomorrow to buy me some more rhubarb, I guess I will go with his preference.

Yum. Yum. So much for losing weight.

Mall Cops: Mall of America

2010-05-28T12:13:00.004-05:00

OK. Not sure if anyone has heard of this show. Yes, the premise does seem a bit...boring. But when your neighbor is one of the people on the show - you watch. Just so you can see him. It's a hoot. Pete & I plopped ourselves down on the couch and tuned into a show we might have skipped over otherwise. (We did spend a fair amount of time watching the Twins beat the Yankees, btw.)

And in case you didn't watch - our neighbor is the dude standing second in line if you start from the right of this picture. He had to deal with a drunk old man and a couple other 'issues' in the episode focused on the Vikings players event.

Having worked at the MoA for a couple of years I probably have more respect for these people than the average rube. Having dealt with shoplifters, kids who have parents who clearly do not give a crap about where they are and what they are up to and enough rudeness and inappropriate behavior from 'patrons' to last me a LONG time - I appreciate that these cats take it off my hands and deal with it so I don't have to. Get it out of my store and/or make sure it doesn't make it to my store. That's all I cared about.

Thanks to Benny and all his colleagues!!!

Oh... and thanks for the times you walked me to my car when I left a floor set at an ungodly hour.

Mom's Day

2010-05-10T08:27:00.003-05:00

Ahh... Mother's Day. Pretty mellow at our house. This is how I like to spend my mother's day. And I'm being 100% serious.

Got up - gave Claire a bath before church as we initiated our new fire pit on Saturday night.

Had pancakes made by my hubby.

Went to church where Claire did a good job staying composed. Bought some treats from the bake sale.

Mowed the lawn after church. I NEVER get to do this anymore and I LOVE mowing the lawn.

Went to Menards by myself to get mulch. Went to another Menards b/c the first was out. Came home. Chatted with my hubby and went back to Menards to buy a different kind of mulch afer talking to my neighbor. Ended up buying cedar chips instead anyway. Oh well.

Went to Boca Chica for dinner and had a fantastic chicken chimi. And we were lucky to have a live trio walking around the restaurant playing music. Very cool!!

Was allowed to fall asleep on the chair for a few minutes after dinner.

Child asleep by 8pm since she hadn't napped.

Ahh... Mom's Day.

Hey! Retail peeps & manufacturers... people under 5 feet buy stuff too.

2010-03-31T08:39:00.002-05:00

This has been rolling around in my head for a couple of days. Ever since I went shopping two weeks ago. It was reinforced on Saturday.

I dread shopping. This has gotten progressively worse as I get bigger and bigger. And not taller people. I'm still under 5 feet. I despise shopping because I am not shaped like a normal woman. This is really my incentive for losing weight. It has nothing to do with feeling better about myself or living a healthy lifestyle. It has to do with taking the pain out of shopping.

Let me list my top 10 reasons I hate shopping.

10. Short legs.

9. Which are not in proportion to my big ass.

8. Or my wide hips.

7. And my muffin top. All that leads to hell when buying pants. Let's not even discuss the jeans. And swimsuits. Sweet Jesus.

6. Girls that seem to change size dependent upon the moon. Seriously.

5. Small shoulders that are not in proportion to the girls.

4. Did I mention the muffin top?

3. No good boutiques nearby for small women that don't make me look like a hoochie-mama.

2. Spending a boat-load of money on clothing.

1. Size 5 shoes.

Apparently, all shoe manufacturers and retailers must think that if you wear a size 5 women's shoe you are a child. So you must prefer to wear shoes covered in Bratz dollz or bright-freaking-pink flowers. When I do find shoes that could pass as an adults, the support in them are crap. I think my physical therapist is going to ban me from stepping into the kids section.

So. My shopping excursion for my friend's wedding in NYC is costing me a pretty penny. My dress is more than I would have liked (but it seems to fit and makes me look normal) and I was able to find a pair of silver shoes after hunting for TWO days. Urgh.

Now I am on a quest to buy some Spanx to help me look even better in said dress (and all others I own). I tried one today that I am wearing to work that is not gonna make the cut. I need a full-body girdle. But where the hell is all that extra crap going to go? This sucks.

I want to go home and crawl into my sweatpants, t-shirt and running shoes.

What does Color tell you??

2010-03-05T09:46:00.003-06:00

Got this from my friend Carrie. Very interesting... At least I am doing a couple of things that match this descriptor. My work environment, not so much. I bolded and colored the words that resonated with me.

You're a CREATOR
Keywords
Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional
These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

Back to the work stuff

2010-03-03T08:41:00.003-06:00

Have you ever worked for a place that should provide you tons of resources but because of the red tape and hierarchy it's nearly impossible to get anything done?

That is where I live. Add to that I am the only person fulfilling my role for what should be two jobs serving 70000+ employees worldwide. Job security right....

OK, so here's the deal. We're launching some pretty cool stuff, finally catching up with the technologies that are out there, such as internal social media channels, blogging inside the firewall and now our own personal youtube inside the company. As a trainer I should be super-duper psyched. But I'm not. Because, I will be asked to create these wonderful things without any support.

Oh, and the use of my own personal video camera.

Which I do not own. (At least not one that doesn't physically involve an actual TAPE, people.)

(How can I not own one when I am the mother of a toddler, you ask? Because I am married to my husband, that's why. He is the antithesis of an early adopter of any sort of technology. He's more like a non-adopter.)

So instead of my company laying out a few hundred bucks for something that will pay for itself in the end, I am researching options for my own personal use. I might as well bite the bullet and buy one for home, which will be used for Little Ms. C's upcoming life events but which can also be used for work.

Suggestions from my small band of loyal readers will be most appreciated. Special hint hint to my friend in the FILM INDUSTRY. Tee hee.

Spring cleaning

2010-03-02T08:58:00.002-06:00

I'm not very consistent in my cleaning activities. If you came to our house you would see a nice layer of dust (or whatever damn organisms they really are) living on one of the three dressers in our bedroom. I fully embraced the philosophy that spending time with your child is more important than cleaning long before Little Miss C was even born.

But when the snow begins to melt, I get a fever. Yesterday, I took a half day off work to stay home with Little Miss C and while she was napping (a rarity these days, I might add) I took on the stove's exhaust hood.

Which had not been cleaned since we move in. Seriously. Nearly 5 years people. Yuck.

I had to go to Target (who needs a reason?) and pick up rubber gloves. Yuckity-yuck.

I have been researching using vinegar as a cleaning solution to replace the chemicals in the current products so thought I would test it out on the range.

Hmmm, me thinks that the recipes I saw online failed to take into consideration nearly 5 years of build up. Let's just say that even with a fully soaked (for multiple hours) sponge of white vinegar I had to pull out the SOS pad to even get through the first layer of crap.

(Anyone interested in coming over for dinner?)

I also attempted this recipe for the microwave. Not as much of a success as they tout on the site. However, the fully-loaded-vinegar-sponge did the trick.

I'm going to try to be more diligent on cleaning the range hood and hope to find more success with vinegar. If anyone has any other ideas, please feel free to share. I am thinking I will test out the paste version with baking soda on something this weekend.

And then summer will come and I won't clean again for several months because I will have moved onto the garden.

Taking the win

2010-02-24T09:49:00.005-06:00

Bath has been a battle at our house. I am the bath-giver to Little Ms. C as nights are my thing. And I dread them. All is well up until we get to the hair washing. Who knew this activity would spark such anger and fear in my child? I'm beginning to wonder if she was a witch in her past life...

Last night, I may have found the fix. For a few weeks anyway. We're in desperate need of some new bath toys and while at our nearly daily visit to Target we picked up two Circo watering cans. The intention was for her to be able to help water the flowers in the spring and veggies in the summer, but Little Ms. C confiscated them as new bath toys in the interim. She enjoys seeing the water come through the spout and during last eve's water fun I encouraged her to use them with her bath baby Daisy.

And then I used them on her. And she laughed. And giggled as I washed the soap out of her hair. And when I asked her if she wanted me to do it again.... she said YES!!! Whoo-hoo!!! Our first tear-free, non-mommy-singing-to-distract-her bath in months. I am so relieved. I might even look forward to her next bath.

There & Back

2010-02-15T11:22:00.002-06:00

Headed out on my annual SAD vacation last week. This year my sister attended. I think it's quite funny that at the age of 37 I vacation with my family (mom, dad & sister). 20 years ago I couldn't wait to escape from the house and now I go visit my parents. Wish I could explain that to my 16 yo stepdaughter...

So what did we do? Experienced a Winter Storm Warning in GA. It's fun to be a northerner when the folks south of the Mason Dixon get snow. They are all atwitter with anticipation. The island we stay on didn't get snow, just rain, but we were close enough to hear about the .9 inches that fell in Savannah and the 3-5 that fell in Atlanta. Schools closed for the whole day, warning messages to not leave the house and drive 'unless you have absolutely no choice'. I dared my dad to take his car out and show the folks how to whip shitty's in the parking lot but he declined. (FYI, drove to work this fine morn after 3 inches of snow were scrapped off the driveway and found out that my company is apparently tired of plowing the parking lots as they didn't even show up today. Hmph. Where is my 2 hour delay? Just kidding!!)

Despite the weather (I go there to get some sorely needed vitamin D and this year it was a bit lacking), it was nice to get away. My parents rent a condo on the Atlantic ocean for a month. This year, while walking along the coast in a light drizzle we saw a dolphin. It's pretty cool. Otherwise, we chilled out, did some shopping, ate lots of seafood and read lots of books. It's a quick trip, and by the time we realized it we were back on the plane.

The plane. Oh how much I like flying (insert sarcastic snort here). Relative to last year, it was a breeze, even with all the crazy weather patterns. Last year I didn't get home until nearly 1am. This year, like every other soul flying, my sister and I attempted to not check luggage.

Really. Everyone.

What did the airlines expect folks to do when they began charging? Both there and back we ended up having to check out luggage at the door. And all we had were our roller cases and our purses. We weren't even the overstuffers. But we were flying one ticket with frequent flier miles so we were in the last class to board. We're expecting to get charged for it but we will see what happens.

I was missing Little Ms. C like crazy on the way back. Just enough time apart to make me want to run home and see her. It was super great to hear her say, "I was missing you!" when I got into the car. Makes my heart melt. We cuddled last night while watching the men's singles in luge. She was trying very hard to wrap her head around these men sliding down the hill.

Mediocrity

2010-01-28T08:52:00.002-06:00

Some days, most days really, I feel mediocre. I have big dreams of making an impact in this world and when I get to work, whatever work I'm in, I don't seem to have the magic to make it happen. Call it a lack of attention to detail, failure to delegate, inability to see the huge big picture and put it all together in a heartbeat, whatever... I just can't make it happen. I'm middle of the road. No superstar. Someone who people just don't think of when it comes to a new role or opportunity. I know I should be happy with where I am, I make pretty good dough, I can go home and not take my work with me, and my bosses essentially like me. But I'm not sure I'm done. I'm not sure this is where I want to cap out on my career.

I feel stuck. I feel stupid. I feel inadequate. And at the same time I feel underutilized. It's like... there is something out there I could do that would be effective, fun and motivating. But I can't find it. Or I am kidding myself that 'that' something exists. Today is a day when I feel like it doesn't. That I am just kidding myself. That I am anything but a drain on society and I'd be better of sitting in my cube and not raising my head. Because I don't really bring anything to the game anyway.

What am I good at? I have no idea. Connecting people to other people? Matchmaking in the corporate world, to some degree. I wish there was a way to make a living off connecting people. Only becuase I love learning about people and helping them find other people who can help them and grow. But alas, there isn't. So I try to put out product that inevitably gets ripped to shreads and all I am is a glorified admin for a couple of blokes who apparently think I have no effing brain.

Pink Glove

2010-01-22T14:50:00.001-06:00

Little Ms. C-ism

2010-01-12T11:20:00.003-06:00

Said to me last night after she pooped in her diaper and I commenced the cleaning process, "Are you getting all that junk off me, mom?".

I nearly died laughing. Where she comes up with some of this stuff, I'll never know.

Minnesota State of Mind

2010-01-07T10:49:00.001-06:00

What fun!

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Road trips

2010-01-07T09:28:00.003-06:00

I've debated taking Little Ms. C somewhere warm the last two winters. My SAD gets me this time of year and I need an escape. Based on the new TSA regulations I will drive before I put her on a plane. I understand that the TSA regulations are there for our safety. Really I do. But not allowing movement for the last hour? Get real. And then I read that if you are flying out of Canada to the US you cannot bring on a carry on. Do these people want parents to fly? 'Cuz it ain't happening if I can't bring several books, a DVD player and food for my child. Kinda sad, but I'm not fighting that battle. I've been on flights with lovely children who go crazy-mad when cooped up for several hours. Hell, I can understand. I get that way myself on long flights.

So if we go anywhere, we will road trip. This is what we did when I was a kid and for the most part I enjoyed it. Not sure if my parents did, but we saw more of the country, were able to get out and stretch when we needed to and could eat and read whenever we wanted.

Looks like the oil/gas companies will be getting my $$$ over the next several years. The only flying I'm doing is if it is just me.

Can I be a mallard?

2009-12-03T08:49:00.004-06:00

Ok. This scares the crap out of me. I just read this in an article (yes, I know, why am I feeding into the tabloid fodder - we all know why this has once again become the 'talk' at the water cooler).

1 in 4.76
The odds an ever-married or cohabiting man has cheated during the relationship are 1 in 4.76 (US, 8/2004).

I'm not naive. I know couples who have faced that issue themselves. Some have stuck together, some have parted ways.

But it really scares me because if I do the math, that means that someone in my FAMILY could be that 'one'. Or someone in my close circle of friends could be that 'one'. This has to be one of my biggest fears. Always has been and has nothing to do with anything anyone in my circle has said, has to do with what goes on upstairs underneath the currently dyed red-ish brown hair. It is like the ultimate rejection and insult to me (outside of physcial abuse and abuse of my child, of course).

Why can't people commit to each other and be decent. I realize we are animals when you really get down to it, but even ducks stay committed damn it.

Phooey

2009-12-02T12:26:00.002-06:00

I have high expectations for myself. I seriously thought that I would have my hip back in shape by now. Had a check in last week and the PT Asst told me I was still twisted. No jokes, kids. Not that kind of twisted.

Now I have two more exercises to do bringing me to 5 a day with 5 sets each. I semi joked with her when she expressed concern it was too much that they had taken everything else away from me, so why not add two more. I can't run, do yoga and can only lift certain areas of the body. I'm going to have to seriously cut down my calorie intake to counterbalance this loss in exercise. Nice timing since we're heading into the big calorie time of year. Oh well. I'll need the extra layer of fat to keep me warm this winter.

No one told me

2009-11-12T16:09:00.002-06:00

Is it only those involved in PT or who have to subject themselves to PT who know how damn hard and painful it can be? I realize that is the whole point, but man alive. I almost felt humiliated (my own self doing - not because of anyone else) that my muscle's had atrophied to this level. Here's the skinny...

Bone scan = negative. Good news. Off to PT. Testing at PT shows that what my masseuse found on Saturday was more serious than she thought. My pelvis is tipped inward, due in large part to my muscle's not pulling in the right way. My psoas muscle has apparently been working it's little ass off since, well who really knows when. My new PT believes since Little Missy was born.

Possible side effect of having a c-section and not rehabbing my ab muscle's properly. Well, what I really learned is that my lazy-ass left hamstring has been on vacation for the better part of two freaking years. Wanna rethink training for a half-marathon, much??? No wonder my body finally screamed at me to "stop, stop, stop this idiocy!".

Apparently, my psoas has been pulling the weight of most of the muscles on the left side of my body. Of course it is much more scientific than that, but you get the drift. It doesn't know how not to fire. It has taken on the brunt of keeping me upright. Add to that I ran on it for an average of 15-20 miles a week for 7 weeks and didn't really build the other ab muscles around it.

Here's where the humiliation or self-loathing comes into play. During one of the tests my PT conducted, she asked me to put my legs on the wall at a 90' angle while I lie on my back. Push my heels into the wall and lift my arse off the table. She asked me what I felt. "Not much", I responded. "Put your hands on the hamstrings", she requested. I did. "OK", I said. "Do you notice that your left hamstring isn't even engaged?", she asks. Hmmm... well now that you mention it....

How do I not know that my hamstring is not working? How, as a running, lifting, yoga person do I not freaking know my body isn't' working? Shouldn't I be more in tune with myself? Where did I let myself go? This whole thought process repeated itself 20 minutes later when she taught me my new practices to re-teach my hamstring, hip abductors and glutes to work. I was shaking so badly after one of them that she expressed surprise at how hard my leg was working. I have been compensating for this for so long I don't know if my leg muscles even know they are part of this overall body. It's absolutely crazy.

It's gonna be an interesting road to recovery. I have to stand differently, sit differently and generally keep my mind on teaching my left hip to move 'back' into position. I am very curious to see how much this has impacted other parts of my body (knee, feet, back) after I get this baby back into shape.

Whoa. I'm getting old.

This whole weight thing

2009-11-09T10:35:00.003-06:00

I'm debating... join WeightWatchers or not? I've picked up the pamphlet at work as there is a group that meets on campus and I've checked out the online option. I just can't seem to pull out my wallet and actually pay for it. Seems like I should be able to freaking do this on my own. I'm only looking to lose 10-15 lbs. For crying out loud, I know what I should and shouldn't be eating. Yet somehow it all goes down the tube into my ever-expanding tummy (and hips).

Interestingly, after my hip/back injury (fyi, jury is still out on what that whole thing might be) I seemed to lose weight. Funny. My guess.... muscle weighs more than fat and all that lovely toning I was doing while running 20-25 miles a week went to hell in a handbasket. While the scale may say one thing, my mind says another. It is only a matter of time before that number climbs its way back up. At least I still qualify to give blood, eh?

This whole only-recumbant-bike-or-swimming thing is just not working, despite my enjoyment of being able to read while working out (on the bike, not in the pool). You won't catch me at the pool unless I am toting around my toddler with other moms. At least most of us are carrying the same fat tire around our hips.

And the holidays are coming. And I like to bake. And I have ZERO willpower. Damn it.

Back for a spell

2009-10-23T16:03:00.002-05:00

Where I have been the last two months?

1. Knee deep in work. I was selected to help facilitate a leadership development program for our organization. Very cool. Right up my ally and helped me network with some folks in HR. I enjoyed every minute of it and wish I could do it all day every day.

2. Chasing after my 2 year old who cracks me up every day.

3. Training for a half marathon I did not run. On my last long run before the race something happened. Couldn't tell you what. It was a cold, rainy, windy day and when running 12 miles I kinda check out. Didn't feel anything too horrific while running, just felt tired. Later that evening, I could not put any weight on my left leg. It wasn't my foot, ankle or knee, but my hip. After two weeks of attempting to let it heal itself I am resigning myself to a more serious injury and going in to see the doctor on Monday. After my lopsided run after a rogue beach ball down the street in the wind I realized that even though I wasn't running on it, it wasn't getting better. In fact, it hurt like a bitch.

4. Trying to stay awake. I fear Little Missy is an insomniac like her mother. She doesn't go to bed until late and often wakes up in the middle of the night. I cannot sleep on her floor anymore. It's killing my hip.

5. Monitoring my BP. After several months of watching my stats when going in to give blood, my doctor and I decided to incorporate BP meds into my daily routine. My dosage was upped earlier this week. Let's hope it does the trick.

That's Right Baby - Funkytown

2009-08-21T14:41:00.002-05:00

As it is well known, I love this music town.

And the Hold Steady is one of my absolute favorite bands, both for their music and Finn's lyrics which always remind me of places around town (66th & Nicollet buried deep within a song).

Glad to see, while it may only be the Onion, other folks agree.

And the Atmosphere tune referenced in the article still ranks near the top of my all time top 10 songs.

I could have spent hours scouring my playlists searching for songs. Ahh... doing what I can to avoid work today.

As much as we need him...

2009-08-18T12:51:00.001-05:00

I don't want him. Meigan, can you take him back?

Related article here, which I think makes a very, very good case.

Mental break

2009-08-05T13:19:00.004-05:00

Stumbled upon this while taking a mental break developing an elearning course.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Absv00MBl50

Where has the summer gone?

2009-07-24T10:18:00.003-05:00

Despite not going anywhere, except to my parents, the summer has flown by. I can't believe we will be into August in a mere 8 days. Yikes.

I am desperately trying to find a way to be a fanatic about exercising. I'm not sure what it is lately but I am not happy with the way things are looking on this frame. I no longer like my clothing, I dread putting on a swim suit and I am pissed that I can't enjoy eating because I continually think about how many calories it has... and then eat it anyway and feel guilty. I am always looking at other women who are mom's and thinking, why can't I be skinny and not have the muffin top? What type of jeans is she wearing, why doesn't her ass look like mine? I know, I know... everyone is different. I get it. But damnit, I don't like it.

Blah.

Perspective

2009-06-07T13:33:00.002-05:00

My heart hurts today. I just learned that a friend of mine, who has been battling cancer for a number of years, passed away this morning, the day after her 41st birthday.

She was one of the most beautiful women I have ever known. Her spirit, energy and light always made things 'right'. She brought something to this world. And I am sad to see her go, even though her pain is over and she is finally at peace.

I pray that her three young children always remember how wonderful their mama was and grow up knowing she was well loved by all.

When Little Missy wakes up from her nap today, we are going to spend some quality time together.

Music Lovers

2009-05-26T13:07:00.004-05:00

Do you ever have those bands, or those singers, that no matter where you are in life, once you hear their sound or that voice you are instantly transported back in time to the place where you become familiar or intimate with that noise?

I am a self-proclaimed music fan. Some may say indie-rock snob. I once thought about opening my own club. My latter high school years and college days took place during the onslaught of indie rock gods. I grew up hating commercial radio and having indie rock guru's play nightly. I missed seeing the Replacements last show and never had the chance to see Husker Du live, but I did see various elements of these bands later in life and even saw Bob Mould and Grant Hart play together at an obscure 'reunion'. I think I spent enough money at First Ave that I swear the staircase on the west side of the main stage dance floor was financed by me.

Where is this going, you ask? What's up with posting this drivel when you haven't put anything up for 5 weeks?

As I sit here, kicking out more mundane reports (be happy you have a job, be happy you have a job!) I am listening to the radio and along came Dinosaur Jr. with a new release. They are one of those bands. The distinct sound of the guitar, J. Mascis' voice, they transport me back to the days when I had little responsibility and the big decisions in my life surrounded what bar I would be heading to later in the eve. Ahh... so nice.

Some of my favorites include Chris Cornell (damn those eyes), anything Jayhawks related, Run Westy Run (I was a HUGE Westy Fan) and many, many, more. Frank Black (or Black Francis as I first knew him). Primus anyone?

And I about fell out of my chair (had I been sitting) when my Step started singing a Hold Steady song while I was vacuuming. I have been a fan of Craig Finn (another voice that will transport me) since his Lifter Puller days. To hear my 16 year old Step sing along was a bit of a shocker. Does that make me a geezer holding onto her old life? Did they sell out to the younger kids? Is my Step cooler than I give her credit for? I am very possessive of 'my bands', some of who hold some weird kind of hold over me. It was odd... very odd. But, alas. I am growing old and I can't get to shows like I used to and it is good that new generation is being turned onto good rock.

However, if she starts kicking out some hardcore punk, we might just have to talk.... I am, after all, a mother now.

Sheeee's baaack

2009-04-14T12:29:00.002-05:00

This had to be one of the toughest Lenten seasons for me, thus far. Giving up accessing the internet for non-work related activities at work was very challenging. Especially given the sheer boredom I have been experiencing with kicking out culture survey reports for the last 3 weeks. (And the fun begins again in a mere 3 weeks - oh joy!). Nevertheless, I persevered. Kind of. I didn't make it the whole way but I did hold myself to only checking my email for the last two weeks up until Friday of last week. I felt I was close enough.

My life is such a bore I haven't much to share. Things are odd at work and I haven't really been feeling it lately. I had hit a stride in March and had grandiose ideas of moving into a new area and/or developing a new job of sorts, but lately I haven't cared to pursue either of those endeavors. After speaking with a colleague yesterday I think I figured it out... The negative energy in this place is bringing me down, man. In the last month we've heard of additional layoffs and now a retirement buy-out plan. No one is happy here. Coupled with survivor's guilt is a very large and looming fear that YOU WILL BE NEXT. I met up with a woman last week who had been here 20+ years and is the primary bread winner and benefits carrier for her family. She will be gone in 40 days and has no idea what to do in this very limited job market. Her story scared the hell out of me. I don't rightly know what we would do if I lost my job. I am the primary bread winner and carry the benefits for my family. You'd think that would motivate me to do more and more to entrench myself in this company so I am not axed. But something is off.... more and more I think about giving it all up and staying home with Little Missy. I think this has more to do with the negative energy getting to me than a real desire to leave the work world and be a SAHM. Boo hoo, right? I still have a job so keep my mouth shut.

On the home front Little Missy has moved into full blown stranger anxiety. Not sure where this came from, exactly, but she exhibited some of this behavior at my in-laws this past weekend. It passed after roughly 30 minutes.... But it will not be fun for the upcoming softball season. Last year, one of my fellow players daughters could entertain Little Missy and I fear that will not be the case this year. She is far more mobile and obstinate and has NO fear telling you what she thinks and running straight towards me like hell on wheels. I can just see her running out onto the field. Not a good thing. I think Grandma P will be helping us for a while until big sis gets out of school.

Race day is 4 days from now. I ran 7 a couple weeks ago so I think I'll make it :)

A month of catching up.

2009-03-14T20:50:00.004-05:00

Fine. My new scale can calculate BMI. Fine. I'm not happy about my number. Fine. I'll go run some more. I weighed myself this afternoon. Blah. Blah. Blah.

(I know it's been forever since I posted and I start off bitching.)

Not a whole lot has been shaking these days. I gave up accessing the internet for non-work-related activities, while at work, for lent. I've been quite productive at work these days. Driving the desk has been hectic, I still don't have this two bosses thing down. But I have tried to make some connections over the course of the last two weeks to help in the career development world. However, I sometimes think that when the economy gets back on line I may jump ship for a mid-size... something just doesn't feel right. I don't know if it is company size or being a compliance trainer.

Nevertheless, I have made some friends at work and some of them are as insane as me. Three of us are joining a 4th for a 50k next month. We each run 7.25 miles, which doesn't sound too bad, until you add in the layer that part of this run is up a freaking ski jump. No freaking joke. A ski jump.

Before I started training for this task I pulled the trigger and went into the doc. I was diagnosed with asthma early in my pregnancy with Little Missy and I never did anything about it until now. Last year I wasn't training and I could tolerate not breathing well for a few weeks. This year I felt it was in my best interest to finally follow up on this whole inability to breathe thing. The doc gave me an inhaler to try and so far I have used it before every run. It seems to help a lot during the run. I'm still struggling at bit a night but I'm trying to use it sparingly.

The biggest thing cooking these days is my quest for a new ride. My SD is the lucky recipient of my current ride once she turns 16. I like my ride but it's not the most convenient when the SD and Little Missy are in the car. How often does that happen you ask? Enough times with the visits to family, etc. So, I'm looking to upgrade. Husband and I went to the nearest Toyota and Honda dealers to test drive the Prius, Camry Standard, Camry Hybrid and Honda Accord. It's down to a toss up between the Camry Hybrid and the Accord. The Accord is more stylish and has a great interior but doesn't ride as well as the Hybrid. Plus... it's a hybrid. I dig the idea of buying something that supports fuel efficiency and flexibility. Ugh... I hate making a decision about what I am going to drive with a mere 20 minutes of driving. Maybe I should just flip a coin. Peanut gallery, any thoughts?

I'm not that old!!

2009-02-06T08:44:00.003-06:00

I found a freaking gray hair at the gym this week. A gray hair. On my head.

I'll be the first to admit I have a bit more stress in my life these days, but really, going gray in my mid-30s. That's a little too much to handle, dear readers. Remind me to ask my mamacita when she started going gray. I know she has been coloring for oh too many years to count.

Hmph. This getting old thing sucks.

It's been a while

2009-01-25T09:22:00.002-06:00

So much has happened since I last logged in... this new role at work is going to be a time sapper for sure. Oh well, once I get into a rhythm I'm sure I'll have a bunch of new horror stories from the front lines of corporate America to share. It is kinda odd when you head to a gathering on your floor and overhear the following, "while I was on the phone with the Justice Department discussing the ramifications of how this might play out with FOIA". I'm in a different world these days. While I won't be able to share details, this exposure will certainly open my eyes to the inner workings of yet another part of the corporate world.

What's been happening in our world? God bless my liberal counterparts. I was able to watch the inauguration with coworkers on the 10th floor when they brought over two TVs. Even thought it was hazy it was powerful. Simply awesome to watch. A felt myself getting emotional on several occassions, just happiness to be witnessing this in my lifetime. Much like most of us with children who, we hope, will think us oddities for having to explain why it means so much to have an African-American in the highest office in our land, my little one had no clue about the enormity of this day. I dream of a day when Little Missy will live in a world where the color of someone's skin has nothing to do with whether he/she can do a job.

Speaking of Little Missy.... I've been lax in taking photos as of late. I'll try to be better, promise. She has been quite busy as of late. She went to the Children's Museum twice in the last week and loved it both times. She digs running around like a free bird. She also ate out at a restaurant for the first time in ages last week. Mom was ill prepared and had NOTHING with her but we survived. Shows me that she can do more than I give her credit for... She has been working on her shapes and can identify lots of stuff. And she is getting 4 new teeth.

Yesterday we headed to an Austin reunion with the kids. Good times were had by all and we were pleasantly surprised when Kate showed up. I don't think I've laid eyes on Ms. Kate since our graduation years ago (too many to count). Our 7 delightful girls played well together and it was so nice to meet and see this group of future world leaders all in one spot. Pictures of our fun can be found here and here. Thanks for hosting FP & FPGal!

I am child free today as the hubby took Little Missy out to his mom's for some quality Grandma time. What to do?? I have a whole list of things to get too so I'd best get off to it!

Living like the other half

2009-01-14T10:38:00.005-06:00

Last night the hubby and I had a date night with our friends. On a Tuesday night, are you silly, you ask? Not when the tickets are free, baby.

Our pal own a local HVAC company and the insurance agent comped him with tickets to the TWolves game last night. Tickets for this venue are not hard to come by these days and none of us (we went with he and his wife) are huge basketball fans, but let me tell ya, you don't pass up this opportunity.

It started with valet parking, on the coldest night of the year, I might add. Then we had free drinks (wine, beer, soda or water) and food before the game. We walked in and found our seats on the floor. Yes, the floor. I have never sat on the floor for a game before. As we were getting seated, the Wolves were warming up and a bball hit Jr in the head. Kevin Love walked over and apologized. Holy crap are these guys tall, I thought.

We sat down to watch the game, just to the left of the basket and thoroughly enjoyed being a spectator. Hearing the plays and defenses being called, watching the speed of the game from that perspective. What fun, although I could have done without the danceline lining up in front of us (jesus girls, put some clothing on and then go get something to eat, seriously).

We had the opportunity to head back into the restaurant for free drinks during half time, at which point I called my mom and said, "turn on the TV!! Your daughter and SIL are on TV!!". Don't know if she found the station or not... During the second half I was blessed with having the camera man turn around (because I nearly had my foot on his back on night) and put me on the jumbo-tron. Dang that is intimidating. Plus, you don't really want to look up because all peeps would see if your nose hairs so I have no idea how I looked.

It was a good game, unfortunately we lost by 3, but it was tight to the end.

I have attached a pic of my ticket since I know I will never again in my life hold something that cost this much for a sporting event. Yes, you are reading correctly. Each ticket was $750.00.

Must... lead... healthier... life

2009-01-05T14:45:00.002-06:00

I'm tired. All the time.

My blood pressure is bordering on hypertension. Today it was 'low' at 132/92. Yes, folks that is scary.

I need to lose 10 pounds. No joke. Does weight watchers accept people who are trying to lose only 10 lbs?

I have hives and I don't know what is causing them.

How did this happen to me? How long ago did I run that marathon? When did this happen? It feels like it happened over night (which, it did not). Instead of having thoughts along the lines of "I'll never let myself look like that person over there" I have moved onto thoughts of "Damn those skinny bitches. Genetics suck."

Seriously, what the hell happened?

My life needs to change NOW or I fear I will not be alive for my daughters high school graduation.

Getting old sucks too.

What Work?

2008-12-23T11:32:00.002-06:00

No one is here. Many divisions/organizations in my company have a mandatory shutdown the last two weeks of the year to try and help with cost control (I swear you'd think we were going to shut our doors). I am one of the few people here (Legal had a strong encouragement but no mandatory vacation) today.

Which means this morning.... I have been reading all your blogs, playing on fb (damn word twist) and goofing off. I will be heading to the gym in 20 minutes and will probably take my sweet time working out as I expect it to be lighter traffic than most days.

It's hard to get motivated to do actual work when no one is here. It's not like I don't have stuff to do. I just don't wanna.

Cold? Me? Nah.

2008-12-22T08:39:00.003-06:00

This is a sign that we are strong, hearty people who can deal with a lot of cold and wind. We don't even make headlines until it is well, well below zero, while others make it because it is a mere 0 degrees for their morning commute.

Hmph. Babies. When I left my house it was -13 air temp. Get over it.

To shovel or not to shovel?

2008-12-20T13:59:00.002-06:00

OK peanut gallery... What's your take? When expecting multiple inches of snow, do you shovel in shifts or just wait until it has all fallen. Take into consideration no snow blower.

Much of this depends on the weight of the snow. Todays snow is light, so light Little Missy and I couldn't even make a snowball with it this morning. (We tooled around for a bit up and down the street. I don't think she has been outside except to run from the car to a store and back in over two weeks. She was due for a bit of fresh air.) We are shoveling in shifts today. With 5-9 inches expected we thought, sans snowblower, we would be better off doing one mid-day and either late tonight or tomorrow morning. Ahh... the dilemmas one faces when living in Minnesota.

Watch it wiggle...

2008-12-15T15:34:00.002-06:00

see it jiggle.

No kids, I am not talking about Jell-O. I'm talking about my ass, my stomach and my legs. WTF? I have been sick, granted, but really, two weeks of not working out daily and my body decides to freakin' explode into a pile of mushiness? Man alive, it sucks to get old.

We have been a house of sickness lately. Little Missy came down with a bout of something nasty over a week ago (we thinks from ECFE) and after a poor night of no sleep my cold that was on the way out became a full blown mother of colds. For the last week we have gone through so much tissue in our house I had to run to Target to restock.

I was prescribed some amoxicillin today from our company clinic. Thank the gods we have one of these on site. Saves me a whole-lotta time getting my fat butt to the doctor. After three weeks of this junk they agree I have likely moved into the sinus infection category. I think the final straw came this morning when I bent over to pick something off the floor and I thought I might topple over because of the a) throbbing pain in my head and b) the weight of my head. Who knew that mucus could weigh that much. Hopefully this will get me healthy enough to handle the holiday madness.

Little Missy goes in for her 18 month check up on Thursday. 18 months. Can you believe it? I can't. My little one is growing up so fast. I know I haven't updated her blog in weeks - I promise to get on that toot sweet!

Off to blow my nose.

Split Personality

2008-12-04T13:19:00.002-06:00

I learned yesterday that I will be split in two. 33% of my time next year will be devoted to my boss' boss. 66% of my time will still be focused on my current role in my department. I will have two desks in two different buildings (even though it takes me a whopping 5 minutes to get from my desk to the other building), two phones, one laptop (thank god) and, for all intensive purposes, two bosses.

I've dual reported in my past life, but more on paper than with real salary allocation behind it and never with two desks. The two desks is a bit odd. According to my current boss, the reason for this is so I have more face time on the 10th floor. We were absorbed into this group in January of this year and it is still uncommon for us to be associated with OGC. None of us are attorney's (although I will argue my hard earned MBA counts for something damn it) and we sit in a whole different building. We're the red-headed step child of legal.

This could prove to be quite interesting. I fear I will find myself having to act like an attorney and document my time so neither of my bosses feels he is being slighted.

I'd bitch more but at least I still have a job, a fellow team mate was laid off on Monday. Scary shit.

11.30 Victory!

2008-11-30T19:27:00.003-06:00

So on this eve, the last of NaBloPoMo, what do I want to post? I have been pretty negative lately and quite trite too. Since I am watching the Vikings/Bears game I might be doing the same again...

Something that has been percolating in my brain the last couple of days has been the end of the world. Do you ever wonder if all this shit going down across the globe is the beginning of the end? Negative again, I know. But, let me set this up.

I picked up Terry Brook's Shannara series the other night. I thought I had read the whole series before but either it has been too long or I forgot it all after reading Tolkien and Eddings. (I think I actually read all three of these around the same time, it's no wonder I can't remember. )

All of these stories carry the same theme, good vs. evil and races that fight to death. Some races are nearly extinguished and in Brooks' version, much like King's Gunslinger series, "the world has moved on". In Brooks' version Man nearly destroyed itself by trying to gain too much power. In all of the series, including King's, man's greed and need for control leads to the end of the world as we know it.

When I think about the war of the races, Brooks refers to in the Shannara series, I simply replace the 'races' he lists with the religions and races on our globe. What we are witnessing in our world the last several years, could be the beginning of the 'Great War' or the First War of the Races. I just keep thinking that the stuff in Mumbai and across the globe could signify the beginning of the end. Morbid, I know.

I think my mind is here because I was reading the paper on Friday, feeling helpless. I picked up the first in Brooks' series and the similarities couldn't be missed. Then the hubby and SD brought home Hellboy II last night, and that's more of the same.

Ok, I'm rambling. I'm off to do something mindless and watch the Vikes.

11.29 Mushrooms & olives

2008-11-29T18:13:00.002-06:00

Little Missy put down some pizza at dinner tonite, cheese with mushrooms and black olives. She ate it like a champ and still put down her peas. I didn't find anything saying mushrooms or black olives needed to be avoided, but I'll be keeping an extra eye on her, nevertheless. It's somewhat hard as she has had eczema since an early age.

Today was a fairly quiet day, I'm battling yet another cold. Hmph. I'd hate to see how sick I was if Little Missy was in daycare. Apparently, I'm the one bringing home the crap.

11.28 Black Friday

2008-11-28T12:16:00.003-06:00

Having worked retail for too many years, I avoid any sort of store or mall location on this day. I'm afraid something like this will happen to me.

And I have to admit, I only read part of the paper this morning. This stuff that is happening in Mumbai.... I just can't fathom being in that situation. It's just sad. So very sad.

11.27 Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T20:14:00.002-06:00

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Thanksgiving!

11.26 Mmmm pumpkiny goodness

2008-11-26T19:59:00.002-06:00

I whipped up a couple loaves of pumpkin chocolate chip bread. My sister and I got this recipe from a magazine my grandmother used to give us. It is super delish and because of the amount of pumpkin used I have to make four loaves (that's my rationalization).

I have been using one of those stone dishes and I have finally decided to chuck the thing. The last three loaves I have made recently haven't been cooked through. My teflon version doesn't have this problem. Last night I experimented by making a bigger loaf, I knew I would need to bake it longer because of the extra dough, but I had to pull it out before the sides and bottom burned to a crisp. When I turned it over the middle fell out and looked like gooey mess.

I thought these stone babies were supposed to be the best thing ever. I've had nothing but problems. If anyone has any suggestions other than tossing it, or maybe turning it into a pot for plants, let me know.

11.25 4 hours

2008-11-25T08:50:00.003-06:00

No, that's not how long it took me to run the race. That pain ended in 31:22. Too slow in my book, but it was cold and there were hills, damn it. My friend who I ran with last night felt like it might have been a bit longer than 5k, too. We're going to snag a fellow runner pal and run the course with her GPS watch. We'll get to the bottom of this!

That's the amount of sleep I got last night. This insomnia is getting worse. I woke up somewhere around 1am and went downstairs to see what my hubby was doing as I couldn't sleep. Nothing helps. I went to the couch. I sat in child's pose downstairs. I tried to go to my calm place. Nothing. I think I finally fell asleep somewhere around 5am with my earplugs in and my head under the pillow. This is getting out of hand.

In the past, this has occurred when I have been a) extremely stressed about work/life or b) bored out of my damn mind. I'm not stressed (other than not sleeping) so I am leaning towards 'b'. I'm bored. My job is boring. My life is a pattern of the same thing over and over and over. I'm stuck in a rut.

How can you be in a rut with a toddler, you ask? Aren't things always changing? Yes and no. Yes, she is starting to communicate better and getting into more things but it's always the same routine when I get home from work. Eat, play with her by myself, put her to bed, watch TV, go to sleep, wake up in the middle of the freaking night. Oh, bath night is in there once in awhile.

The real boredom is at work. I am so freaking bored. I find my ability to stay focused severely limited. I am no longer excited about this job or the material. And I am sick of my work being torn apart, rewritten and commented on again and again when it has been published. Sensitive, you say? Maybe a little, but I will say it again. My job is to translate legal jargon into 'normal person' speak. When you red line and rewrite it, why should I bother even trying to put something together in the first place. Just write the thing yourself.

I know I should be thankful. For my family, having a job in this economy and for my health. I feel guilty being upset about the boredom of my life but can't seem to get myself to snap out of this. The kicker is that actually sleeping would likely make me a happier person who wouldn't dwell on this crap.

I'm rambling this morning. This is one of those instances where I should listen to the saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

11.24 Off to the races

2008-11-24T16:23:00.002-06:00

I'm off to freeze my hiney off running in the cold. At least it warmed up more than I expected. I have a scarf, gloves, hat and layers. I'm not looking forward to this. Thought I should get this out there before I come home and drink oodles of hot cocoa.

11.23 The Waiting is Killing Me

2008-11-23T20:24:00.003-06:00

I caved and upgraded my camera body and bought a new lens. I've been thinking about this for several months and simply have had a hard time swallowing the change required to make this purchase. It is, however, quite overdue. And a local retailer (not a big box) had a sale on the lens I wanted, beginning today, so I raced there to make it before closing. When I walked in I didn't even hesitate. I knew if I said, "Well, I'm thinking about a...", I would have walked out empty handed. I am now a proud owner of a new camera that should help my business, if at least my confidence as a photographer. Can't wait to shoot a fantastic wedding in Duluth this coming spring (hi Michelle!) with this new equipment.

So, why the heck are you blogging, you ask? Besides having to meet the NaBloPoMo commitment, I have to wait for the battery to charge. I should have plugged it in when I got home from the store but I didn't and it takes 2.75 hours for it to fully charge. Dang it. I tried my other batteries thinking the chargers are the same... no luck. Doesn't fit. Urgh.

Tomorrow, after I run that stupid race, you know where to find me. Tee hee!

11.22 Cursed Iowa

2008-11-22T22:52:00.002-06:00

What a drag. We went to the Gopher game tonight. Left at the beginning of the 4th Q b/c it was 55-0. That's right folks.... 55-donut. What a freaking sad state of Gopher affairs. How fitting this is the last game in the dome. Here's hoping that next year, playing outside, back on campus, brings us some good juju. We need it.

11.21 Because I am a shameless promoter of family

2008-11-21T10:10:00.002-06:00

Please check out my cousin in his latest commercial here.

I'm hoping by the time Little Missy is watching TV he will be another famous Jim McMahon!

11.20 In-freakin-somnia sucks

2008-11-20T12:04:00.001-06:00

Working on roughly 4 hours of sleep, not tied to the babe. Don't have a clue what is causing this latest rash of sleeplessness. I haven't slept through the night in over a week. I've got to figure this out since I swear, every night I don't sleep I shave another year off my life.

So, shifting gears to the positive, maybe that will help. Little Missy (I'm changing her referral via the blog again just to spice things up - and those loving alliteration will catch my drift) is finally starting to say more things that sound like words. We finally got her to use the word buba for bubbles. We like to blow bubbles in the house while daddy is making dinner, keeps us occupied and allows me the chance to deflate after work. For many months now Little Missy has been grunting and we've been encouraging her to open her mouth to make sounds. The last couple of days she has been doing that more and more. And things sound more like words. I can almost hear the nuance between nana for banana and nana for grandma. Maybe it's just wishful thinking.

She painted a picture at ECFE yesterday with a feather. Dad said that she broke free from her fear of being without him for the first time yesterday and didn't cling to him during class. It only took 2 months for her to get used to the environment.

11.19 Beep! Beep!

2008-11-19T09:55:00.002-06:00

Heads up drivers on the east side! My SD got her permit last night. After completing the first round of driver's ed she headed to the DMV with her dad yesterday afternoon. Another teenager on the roads.

Seriously, remember how excited we all were when we finally got our permit? Ahh...those were the days. Now I just get in and don't think about it. Which is why sometimes I drive to work before I realize meant to go north instead of south.

Her dad took her out last night for her first behind-the-wheel action. They headed to two school parking lots near our house. Nice, empty spaces. She said she was nervous, but her dad said she did well for her first time out.

He noted some interesting things:

i keep my radio way too loud (actually, this was my observation when they left the house - it sure doesn't seem that loud when i am in the car)
he couldn't remember the last time she had been in the driver's seat. Maybe on his lap when she was three.
it wasn't automatic for her to adjust the mirrors and seat before hitting the gas
parking is a breeze when there are not other cars around

I just realized that both of us drive automatics (as does her mom and step-dad). We're going to need to find someone who has a stick shift. I learned on a stick and feel that it is important that kids know how to drive both. You never know when your college roommate is going to need to be rushed to urgent care and the only car in the driveway is a stick.

11.18 Brrr....

2008-11-18T08:37:00.002-06:00

Yikes. It was a whopping 20' when I awoke this morning. I'm simply not ready for this.

I could be overreacting since I went for a run last night after work to help prepare my lungs, muscles and mind for next week's race. What the hell was I thinking signing up for a race at 5pm at the end of November. I hope there are a lot of people signed up and we run in a pack to keep each other warm.

It wasn't that bad, really. Once I got going and if I was running out of the wind. I did scare the bejesus out of myself running at dusk. I'm not sure if it is due to my lasik or if I would have the same issues wearing contacts but my vision at dusk sucks. My path takes me along a swampy area over a boardwalk that is often traveled by deer and other animals. I only had my hubby's book reading light with me (so I could shine it at other cars - not to help me navigate) so in the waning daylight I kept 'seeing' things that weren't there. Of course, when I came upon a person walking their two dogs along another dark part of the path, I nearly ran into him (he was not wearing white!!). I saw his little white dog just in time and veered around.

Needless to say I will be bringing a stronger flashlight with me next time.

11.17 It's a Monday

2008-11-17T09:30:00.002-06:00

I spent nearly 30 minutes on hold waiting for IT to answer my call since I was locked out of my computer. Appears the safety boot system they had installed is backfiring and they need to remove it from over thousands of employees laptops. Hmph.

Does your heart break when you hear your child cry? I noticed this the other night while I was drifting off to sleep (or in and out, who knows). Ms. C cried out in her sleep and my heart broke. I felt some sort of pain there, it's hard to explain and I find it happens the most when I can't see what is causing her to cry. She'll cry out when she sleeps every once in a while, she isn't really awake and typically puts herself back to sleep without issue, but it still makes my heart hurt to hear her little cry. Is it fear? Is she stuck? What should I be doing to help her.

This has to be an ingrained mommy gene that no one told me about. Is this where the super human strength comes from when something happens to one's child?

11.16 Nap Schedule

2008-11-16T13:56:00.002-06:00

Ms. C has never really gotten into a nap schedule. This makes life somewhat hard since we can't really get into a rhythm and never know if we are going to have a sleepy baby at a certain point in the day or a cranky one because she won't nap.

I took her to church this morning and thought we could make it back home, but no, she fell asleep in the car for a whopping 10 minutes. So, her dad just tried to put her down 20 minutes ago and I am listening to her babble through the monitor. Two more minutes and I'm going upstairs to get her. Now it's a crapshoot as to when she will go down again.

I've read tricks and am reading the Toddler Whisperer but none of those work. She will sleep when she wants to, no matter what we do.

11.15 Addicted to Word Twist

2008-11-15T12:55:00.003-06:00

I think I am truly addicted to Word Twist. Darn facebook. I could play this all day long and never get anything done. It's down for maintenance right now and I think I have the shakes.

The hubby and I headed to a dinner party last night and stayed out far too late (anything after 10am is late to me, these days). It was a good time and the wine didn't kick my butt too bad. I attribute this to our choice of food - pasta, bread and two desserts. Enough food in one's belly helps suck up all the alcohol.

In other news, I've got nothing. The Gophers play the Badgers this afternoon and I'm hoping to plant myself in front of the TV. I somehow have to convince Ms. C that she wants to play downstairs for 3 or so hours. I used to be able to use the cat but Tabby has gotten quite smart and escapes to the laundry room when she hears us coming. Poor kitty. Ms. C loves her so much but can't or doesn't understand how to pet her nicely. We're lucky she's a good cat and doesn't bite. Someday, I imagine these two will be inseparable.

11.14 Burning in the fiery pits

2008-11-14T08:43:00.005-06:00

I'm going to burn in hell, according to this man. Well, at least now I know what is going to happen to me when I die, because I haven't seen the inside of a confessional since I was a teenager.

As a Catholic, my soul has been on the cusp of heading to hell for quite some time. Heavens, the least of which are the use birth control and supporting pro-choice. I'm really going to be damned since I also support gay marriage and don't fully understand why the Vatican won't get out of it's old-boys-club thought process and actually let the women in the church be a bigger part of the process. Can't quite wrap my head around how we hold Mary in a higher position and regard than other religions, yet we won't led a woman lead a church. WTF? Oh... and my swearing. That's another thing. Not even to mention activities in my youth (no comments from the peanut gallery, please, my hubby knows this blog exists).

Well... I might as well just give up and forget my vows and start some torrid affair, screw volunteering as much as I do, stop giving money to the church, forget supporting social justice, etc. 'Cuz apparently none of that means diddly to God. At least according to this man.

FYI - the seats last night were freaking awesome. 13th row behind the Wild goal for 2 periods. Good times. Good times.

11.13 Going to a fight...er, hockey tonight!

2008-11-13T15:38:00.004-06:00

Whoo-hoo, I'm getting jazzed. My pops called last night and has tix to the Wild game tonight. I'm heading to the hockey game with my pops!

I remember the first professional hockey game I went to (which was with my dad). We took a bus from Austin to Bloomington as it was back in either 1990 or 1991 and the North Stars played the Blackhawks. Hockey fans out there know that the rivalry between these two teams was intense. It truly was a fight where a hockey game broke out.

Along the years, my pops and I have attended a handful of Gopher hockey games together, but we haven't been to a professional hockey game together in nearly 15 years. Go Wild!

11.12 I'm gonna race

2008-11-12T19:58:00.005-06:00

Yesterday I signed up for my first race in 2 years. It's the 24th of this month but it's only a 5k so I think I should be able to handle it. I'm running with a friend from work and the race starts from our main campus. Nothing like leaving for a race from work.

However, it snowed last night and I'm not the best cold weather runner. At least I'll get a beanie hat and a shirt out of the deal.

Wish me luck!

FYI, my arm hurt from my flu shot last night and I couldn't sleep on my left side (boo hoo, I know). It's been forever since I had a shot and didn't expect I'd be this much of a wuss. Still hurt a bit today.

11.11 My first shot

2008-11-11T10:30:00.004-06:00

I received my first flu shot ever this morning. My company supplies them on a first come first served basis at no cost. I stood in line for roughly 20 minutes and was out the door (with a warning from the person shooting me to pay attention for itchiness and scratchy throat). How very nice to not have to go anywhere else to obtain this shot. BTW, no allergic reactions on my part.

Why do it now? Because I have a wee tot at home who cannot get a flu shot due to her age (and probably weight). She's not in daycare and since her dad doesn't work out of the house, I am the most likely culprit to bring home the nasty bug.

I am sitting at my desk looking out the window watching the snow flakes fall. We'll see if we have an accumulation today, I hear there might actually be snow on the ground come 5pm. These are the days when I appreciate having my whopping 3 mile commute. (Well honestly, I appreciate that short commute every day!). I'm not ready for the snow and cold. Hmph.

Happy Veteran's Day

Thank you to all who have served this country!!!

11.10 (2) Irish Eyes are Smiling

2008-11-10T13:48:00.002-06:00

Ok. I'm a little slow and didn't find this until today. Maybe the luck of the Irish helped a wee bit.

11.10 Football

2008-11-10T08:20:00.002-06:00

There was a football game on yesterday?

Just kidding. But between my niece's baptism, the celebration after, watching Ms. C play with the matchbox cars and eating, I saw maybe 2 minutes of the game. Right when Chili makes the great decision to go for it on 4th & 1 at the 40. WTF? We got lucky and pulled out the win, I hear.

I used to plant my ass on the couch every Sunday (and most Saturdays when the Gophers are actually on TV) but this year has changed everything. Since I don't spend that much time with my daughter during the week, weekends are our time together. This has resulted in a serious lack of football watching on my part. Get TIVO or DVR the games you suggest. Right. I'm saving that $$$ for Ms. C's college education.

Anyway, it's only football and I will be heading to the last Gopher game of the season with my family in a couple of weeks so I'll get a fix. And they better win damn it. What the heck (as my nephew says) happened to them against Michigan? I mean, we're talking about Michigan 2-7 Michigan folks, not last year's Michigan. It's disappointing. Our last game is against Iowa. It's a complete toss up, considering they beat freaking Penn State on Saturday. Seriously, what the heck is going on in the Big 10? Craziness.

11.9 Cars, hammers and wrenches

2008-11-09T18:01:00.003-06:00

These are my daughter's favorite toys. We returned from her cousins baptism to my sister's house and the first thing my daughter chooses to play with are her older cousins matchbox cars. Whoo-hoo! I'm raising a tomboy :) Now, that's what I like to see.

Short post as DH has to use the computer for work and Ms. C. wants to play with the car I 'borrowed' from her cousins.

11.8 A 2 or a 6?

2008-11-08T20:34:00.003-06:00

Whew. Comcast is having outage issues in my area this evening. I thought I might miss posting and blow it in the first week.

OK dear readers. Why is it that I can go from one store to another and in one wear a size 2 short and in another a size 6 ankle? Granted, the first was a pair of chinos and the second a pair of jeans, so it is a bit like comparing apples to oranges but 2 whole sizes? Even if they were the same style I wouldn't expect to see 2 whole size differences. It's frustrating. This is one reason why I have trouble ordering clothing online. I have asked my hubby to pull out the measuring tape so I can get my stats down.

I'm not even going to comment about the crappy loss my team had today to a 2-7 friggin team. I didn't get to watch the game (ever tried to do that with a 16 mos old? Right), all I know is what I heard on the radio in bits and pieces. No offense.

11.7 Where are the words?

2008-11-07T12:22:00.002-06:00

So, as I lay in corpse pose in yoga this morning my mind turned away from relaxing thoughts to "why isn't Ms. C. talking?" thoughts. So much for relaxation.

I've been worrying about this for quite some time. I know that not having her in daycare would lead to a 'slower' development than some of her peers, but seriously. It's not like we don't talk at our house. And she certainly understands a lot of what we talk about at home. In fact, there isn't a great deal of frustration on that side of the coin.

Her communicating to us is quite the opposite. She still only says 'nana' (banana) and 'num' (when she likes food). In fact, she no longer will say 'down' (which, I swear, was there two weeks ago). We read to her regularly, very regularly. If she doesn't read 20 books a day it is a slow day in our house. Heck, you'd think she'd be saying 'book' by now. She doesn't even say 'bye bye' (yes, she waves) when I leave the house and I say that to her 5 days a week! We sing (well, maybe only I sing but her dad says the words), I try to tell her what I am doing. I just don't get it.

I'm beginning to wonder if her dad speaks to her at all during the day....

Some parents tell me to count my blessings, that once she starts she won't stop. But it is so hard to console her when she is trying to tell me something and I don't understand her. What's a mom supposed to do?

11.6 You gotta spend money to make money

2008-11-06T12:32:00.005-06:00

Isn't that what FDR said to get things moving again? So I ask myself, after coming out of a quarterly meeting with my business, how is the pay freeze my company has initiated going to help me get the economy back on track.

I had heard rumors that this might be coming down but, at this company, rumors can easily be blown out of proportion. The rationalization is that in order to maintain our current leading position (let me just add here I work for a FORTUNE 100 company, not a mom & pop shop in po-dunk USA and not even a Fortune 500 company, but in the top 100) we need to preserve our cash. OK, I hold an MBA, I get the position we are in but it seems sad to me that the company is choosing this route to try and 'right-the-ship'.

I'm off to rethink my spending.

11.5 Ack!

2008-11-05T09:08:00.002-06:00

Anyone have any solutions for when your child pees on the carpet? Last night after bath, as I was trying to get Claire to come into her room, clean up the space and get things in place she peed on the carpet in the hallway. This is the second time she has pulled peeing on carpet. At this rate we're going to have to re-carpet the whole house.

The first time I was getting her dressed and she stood up and refused to sit down. I'm not one for slamming my child on the ground and so I was attempting to negotiate with her while moving her towards her diaper and she peed. On the new carpet in her room. I think we used a combo of pet cleaner and a water/vinegar combo. Seemed to do the trick and we made it through the rainy fall without a huge smell in her room.

Last night Pete put pet cleaner on it after soaking it up. I'm hoping that does the trick. Seriously, the carpet is probably 20 years old but I don't plan on living in this house for more than 2 more years so I'm not putting in new carpet.

Any tricks from parents who have had this issue? Step one is to not let your child run around without a diaper on, I get that, but in the event she does it again????

11.4 A Simple Task

2008-11-04T08:40:00.006-06:00

There are women in this world who still can't speak their minds. I intend to speak mine today with my ballot. Regardless of how things turn out, I am proud that I live in a place where there is NO question about what I can do today.

11.3 Oh the weather outside...

2008-11-03T13:13:00.004-06:00

sounds delightful. I decided to work through lunch so I can skip out early and go home for a run. How can a Minnesotan pass up a 70' day in November? There should be a state law that if it hits temps this high this time of year we can skip work.

Even though I ran yesterday I am going to take advantage of the fantastic weather and get another one in today. It's not like my fat ass can't use the exercise.

Now.... where did I put that leftover Halloween candy?

11.2 Cursed daylight savings

2008-11-02T10:03:00.003-06:00

Wake up time for Ms. C - 5:15am (yes, I know...6:15 on the body clock)

First nap of the day (only nap???) 9:45am.

I've gotten used to the routine we have in our house and this blasted daylight savings thing is already wreaking havoc and it's only 10am. Urgh. We tried putting her to bed a bit later last night in a vain attempt to shift her body clock. Nope. Not happening. At this rate, she will be going to bed at 7pm and I will see her for two hours and night after I get home from work. In addition, I will need to be up at 5am to get through the shower before she wakes up in the morning. Again...urgh.

11.1 First Post of NaBloPoMo

2008-11-01T15:06:00.003-05:00

The first post of the month. Ahh...where to start. Hate to start of negative but I listened to the Gopher football game this afternoon (too nice to sit inside!!) and we lost to NW. Urgh. Homecoming loss again. Oh well... next year I hope to be at the game outside enjoying the weather AND a victory.

We had a slow Halloween last night, which we are associating with it being a Friday night. Only 71 kids. Needless to say we have a lot of leftover candy. I'm bringing into work so I don't eat it here. The last thing I need around me is chocolate. I'm trying to lose weight, here!!!!

Me no wanna

2008-10-29T12:20:00.003-05:00

I have no desire to work. None. I have a meeting in an hour with my boss' boss and I don't really want to go. I don't want to work anymore. Urgh. Change in weather? Maybe. I think it has more to do with my tenure. I never last too long at one place because I get bored. I have been in this position for just over 2 years, for me that is a LIFE TIME.

I know I need to get my butt in gear, in this environment, demonstrating a lack of work ethic makes you a target for cuts. Our company has made several in the last couple of months and I am lucky I made it through (it wasn't that close, but who knows...). I should be looking forward to this meeting and ingratiating myself to another element of this company. But you know what? I don't care. I want to be at home and take my daughter to ECFE and spend more time with her. Not with the people I work with. Sorry folks.

On another totally unrelated topic, I fear I am jinxed. I went to donate last night and they rejected me because my hemoglobin was too low. By 2 tenths of a point. I am going to get some red meat, eat some Oreos (the cookie that has the highest iron levels) and not mix my calcium with my iron (calcium depletes it). Then I'll make yet another appointment and hopefully drain myself of a pint of blood.

Turnaround?

2008-10-27T11:20:00.003-05:00

Some people might call me jaded. I call myself a realist.

I am a Gopher Football fan and this week we are ranked at number 17 in the BCS standings people. Let me type that again. 17. What a change. I remember sitting in the stands last year wondering if it was possible the dome could actually deflate, 'cuz that was what happened to my team.

Last year we were 1-11. This year we are 7-1 (3-1 in the Big 10). How has this amazing turnaround happened? I don't want to dismiss that coach Brewster has done a fine job changing the direction of this flailing program, but I want to weigh in on some things (here's where the jaded shines through). I don't think we should be that high. Gives me that itchy feeling of doom.

We have had a REALLY easy schedule. Outside of OSU and Illinois we haven't faced tough opponents. The next three games should pose some challenges and if you have ever been a Golden Gopher football fan you better start to remember how quickly we can implode before you get your hopes up too high. Let's just remember the last bowl game we played in shall we?
The Big 10 is in a state of flux. WI was ranked in the top 25 the first 3 weeks of regular season play and slid quickly out of the rankings based on their play the last 3 weeks. Michigan? I realize they have a new coach and things are crazy up there but what the heck happened to everyone? Yikes. And OSU. Oh OSU it sucks to be you (anyone catch that great OSU vs. Penn State game?? GO Joe Pa!) this year. Not that I don't mind a little parity in our division but I would have hoped it was because the Gophers climbed the ladder instead of the typical division superstars falling sharply.

The silver lining? Recruiting should improve.

We will have a gorgeous, and I mean beautiful, outdoor stadium to play in next year. (We drove by it a couple weeks ago and since I have never experienced football on campus I am SUPER jazzed.)
And even if a winning record came as a result of an easier schedule, perhaps the kiddies will be more excited to play for a team that put up some W's this season.

Regardless, if we make it a bowl game where the temp is higher than it is here at that time of the year I am seriously considering booking my flight. And if they make it to the Rose Bowl, as a coworker said he heard an analyst consider today, I'm getting a babysitter b/c their ain't no way I am missing that one baby.

Help Me Here Folks

2008-10-21T13:53:00.003-05:00

I'm struggling with this one. Please, someone tell my small, simple-minded brain how to make sense of why this man is leaving with upwards of 10 million buckaroos while there will be layoffs later in the year.

Truthfully speaking, I know how it works. I spent 10 years in HR so believe me, I know how it works. My point is.... HR LEADERS - get your shit together and figure out how to write exit clauses into contracts that DO NOT ALLOW THIS CRAP TO CONTINUE. This is bull-freakin-shit and despite the fact that it can be argued that jobs will need to be cut regardless of this man's golden parachute with a good deal of validity.... it sends bad messages.

OK. I'm done.

Insane

2008-10-20T11:54:00.002-05:00

I'm taking the leap. I'm going to try NoBloPoMo this year. Why? Because I want to add a bit more activity to my life, since you can see my blogging has been light the last few months. Fair warning, my few readers, posts maybe strange, pointless and boring in the coming weeks. Or, maybe this will be the practice I need to become a real blogger :)

Should be exciting since we'll be dealing with the outcome of the presidental race.

I'm off to start thinking of ideas.

Catching up

2008-10-08T10:39:00.003-05:00

I've been a bit busy at work the last two weeks and haven't had much time to blog. Not a whole lot has been happening in my world as of late anyway. Yesterday was an interesting day so I thought I would take a few minutes out of my work day and blog. I'm especially crabby today as I am coming down with a cold so bear with the snippiness that may bleed through.

I am frustrated with the debates. Frustrated that neither candidate actually answers a darn question. I watched most of the debate last night (full disclosure, I fell asleep towards the end) and had a hard time not flipping the channel when the candidates went off on their I'll-blame-the-other-party-and-not-answer-your-question diatribes. Seriously... I know who I am voting for and I was disappointed in his performance. All the media outlets are posing the question, "who won?", followed up with statements about how it is hard to tell. Well, I'm here to tell you that is because they didn't answer the questions. No wonder you can't tell. You know how to win over the undecided and independent voters, boys? Actually answer questions in short and clear sentences. You will win the hearts of many voters across this great land. I know I posted before how I was already tired of the mudslinging, and while it wasn't too over-the-top last night, I just didn't have the patience. I floated between that and a repeat of Bizarre Foods. Urgh.

On a different note, yesterday my co-workers and I went to a local transitional housing unit to volunteer during the lunch hour. We arrived around 10am and worked until 1pm, doing food prep, serving, cleaning, and anything else they could find for us to do. It was an amazing experience. This location houses up to 55 homeless people and there is always a waiting list. Residents can be individuals or families and they also allow 'drop-ins' for meals. These folks have been referred to this facility by another location in DT SP and can only stay for 30 days. After that they are either back on the street if they have not found housing. The staff are truly God's angels. To see what they see every day and still come to work, continue to have faith and hope. It's amazing.

Let me just tell you how hard it was to walk out of there after seeing what I saw. There was a precocious little girl, five, maybe six, who I wanted to take home. She and her parents live in a car. They sleep in a church on the hard floor using cardboard boxes to separate them from the other families. She has never been to school. What type of life is she going to have living like this and not receiving an education? How will she break this cycle? I want very much to go and grab her (all of the children, really) and take her home, give her a warm bed and a permanent address so she can go to school. And to see her eyes light up and her chatter away with all of us. Kids are resilient.

Needless to say, I came home and told Pete we needed to find a way to either volunteer, donate or do something more for these people as they are less than 2 miles away from where we live and it feels more like they are on a different planet. And then I hugged my little girl, hoping nothing like this ever befalls her.

Etc.

2008-09-22T17:24:00.001-05:00

Oh. And I forgot to post that I have been on the bridge 2 times in the last three days. Who knew I would appreciate the reopening of this thoroughfare so much?

It's SO WIDE!!!

Drawing blood

2008-09-22T17:11:00.004-05:00

I had my yearly appointment this afternoon. Don't worry, no details will be provided, other than the fact that I verified I can donate blood. After receiving a transfusion after delivery last year, Claire's receipt of a donor's blood while in the NICU and knowing that I carry universal blood (O-) I have been considering donating. My dad has delivered pint upon pint upon pint over the years and my hubby goes in every 62 days as well (he's also O-). For some reason I thought one needed to be 120 lbs to qualify and considered lying like my friend Kim did in high school, but nearly (or was it actually, Kim?) fainting didn't sound like the best of ideas. But, surprise, I qualify. You only have to be 110 lbs if you are over 17. I fall somewhere in between 110 & 120 - I have to keep you guessing. So I booked myself an appointment online this evening for Oct 2nd.

Afraid of needles and vials, you ask? Heck no. While in the hospital my blood was drawn every 6 hours and I have those great veins that typically pop out without a great deal of work on my part. To be honest, I am somewhat excited. I am looking forward to feeling like I am providing something to someone who may find themselves in the position I was last year. Or their child. You see, as a universal donor, my blood may be used for a baby in the NICU or an ER situation when a child is rushed in who has not been typed. And that, my dear friends, feels pretty darn good.

Scary Post Response

2008-09-05T09:11:00.003-05:00

OK. I just got a comment on Ms. C's blog from an outsider. I know outsiders have linked to her blog b/c of the tracking and I've been considering making it private b/c I'm not sure how much I like the idea of pedophiles finding pictures of her online. I just changed the comments setting to allow me to moderate them (sorry kids, hope this isn't a pain).

I realize it could also have been just random but it really does make me think of protecting her more. Thoughts?

An Angry Leftist Speaks

2008-09-03T08:19:00.004-05:00

I was watching the local news last night, camped out at the RNC and listened to a delegate comment that Bush's speak was non-partisan. Where does referring to his opposition and their supporters as the angry left fit into non-partisan? I mean really.

Full disclosure: I consider myself an independent, not a democrat so I have bones to pick there too.

The hubby and I have been chatting a bit about the whole media circus, not just surrounding our fair cities this week due to the RNC, but, in general. How media controls politics and politics controls media. Where is the truth? Will the average Joe ever really understand the platform of the candidates? Do the candidates even understand their platforms? It's getting tiresome and we've got a few more months left of ad campaigns and mudslinging. As grateful as I am to live in a country where a) I CAN VOTE, b) I have a choice and c) ad campaigns are aired, I do get tired of them once they start getting into the crap-slinging. (Perhaps I am already jaded b/c the senate race here started on that note from day one....)

And don't get me started on the protesting fiasco happening in SP. A normally mundane piece of land has turned into chaos, so media outlets report. As an angry-leftist-independent I am all about free speech and all about giving people the opportunity to express their opinion. I do live in the camp that a peaceful, thoughtful and articulate protest gains a lot more credible attention than violent actions. When violence comes into play I draw the line. When you deface an innocent individual's property and suck other people into violence who were there protesting in peace, we are no longer on the same side. Stay the hell away from me and don't you dare try to explain to me why you are justified in defacing and destroying innocent people's property in the name of your 'cause'. You do not represent me.

Mini-Vacation

2008-08-18T19:20:00.002-05:00

We had a good mini-vacation last week. We went up north with my family and spent 3 days at the town home we rent. A good time was had by all, although sleeping in the same room as your toddler who moves around like a madwoman is not as easy as I thought it would be. And I learned some new entertainment techniques on our last 2 hours of the car ride up.

Claire tried many new things which you can check out here. We lucked out by swinging into Duluth just in time to join Carrie & Dahlia for a walk along the lake. It was great to have a chance to hook up with Carrie and her adorable, good natured babe.

In other news, our nanny started today. It seems like things went well. Claire was a bit needy this morning and I feared for the worst. But her dad called me at work and said she went back down for a nap at 8am. She hasn't taken a nap that early since she was a baby :). Apparently the weekend wore her out more than we thought. Our nanny said she was surprised by how well Claire did today and was impressed by her mellow nature. I swear it has all to do with her sleeping pattern. Now, if I can just get her to sleep in until 7am....

The Beetles Ate It All

2008-08-08T11:17:00.001-05:00

I am slowly becoming a maniac. I despise Japanese beetles with a vengeance now. They came back last month and within 3 weeks deforested the linden tree again. Pete tried a nasty all-natural option sometime during week two of their encampment (Jerry Baker's Beetle mix) that involved dead beetles, water and spraying the tree. We think more may have landed on the him than the tree. Didn't work. No dent in their gorging. In fact, I think they went through the tree faster this year than they have in the past. When they were at their peak we could shake a tree branch and it appeared like the Apocalypse was coming. These beetles aren't very bright (no beetle is, I understand people, you get my point) and it should be easy to remove them but when there are literally hundreds and hundreds on your tree. It's daunting.

Since there is nothing left to eat in our yard they have moved on. On a walk the other night I counted 14 Bag-a-Bugs. Great. Now all the damn beetles east of the Mississippi are going to come to our neighborhood. FYI, most of these bags are about 1/4 full and since they use pheromones they actually do end up attracting more beetles.

The only really good thing about these bags are that they catch the horny bastards before they can lay their grubs. ALL these bugs do is eat and get it on. They are constantly laying on one another. It's like an orgy in our back yard. Yeesh. Birds and bees should be retitled to 'beetle-on-beetle'.

What really bites is once they come there doesn't appear to be a non-toxic method of removal. You can spray your tree/plant with dish soap but it doesn't stop them from coming back. And have you ever tried spraying a 40' tree? It would be easier to climb the house and spray from the roof! I already removed the grape vine that was also infested (planned to remove it anyway) and we've debated removing the tree but that seems silly.

I feel bad because I think that if we had found out where they laid their grubs last year and done something to remove/kill the grubs, perhaps the neighborhood wouldn't be infested to this degree. Who knows. I don't remember them being here the first year we lived in this house so we have no idea what brought them to this little enclave on the east side. Urgh.

Curses.

Please tell me why...

2008-08-06T10:58:00.000-05:00

this person is only serving minimal time.

Beautiful Babe

2008-07-31T22:12:00.001-05:00

Welcome Hazel Marie

2008-07-31T13:28:00.002-05:00

Hazel Marie Dufresne arrived this morning at 6:30am (ish) weighing in at 7lbs 4 oz. Not sure on length, apparently she has black curly hair. Heading over tonight to see mom & the new babe. Congrats to the Dufresne clan!

Darn it all

2008-07-18T08:38:00.000-05:00

We didn't get in to the TC10. If you could, you would hear the sarcasm dripping off my words as I tell you just how disappointed I am.

Nanny search

2008-07-14T09:41:00.003-05:00

OK. After one night of sleep which amounted to a whopping 2 hours, it dawned on me (no pun intended) that I am having serious issues with the daycare thing. Since Ms. C was denied her RSV shots last year she has one more year to go before she has moved out of the 'high risk' area. The idea of putting her in a daycare.... yeah, right. It goes beyond that issue, alone, but I haven't the energy to post why it bothers me so. I think it has a lot to do with not having found the 'right' place yet.

So, the nanny search has begun. To keep Claire from being overexposed to germs, we will pony up the money and get a nanny. I have a couple leads and am going to through a post out on Craigslist. Wish us luck!

938

2008-07-14T09:33:00.003-05:00

This is how many calories I can take in during the day if I want to lose 2 lbs a week. Crap. I think I might have already taken that in today. 938. WTF?

I have been 'trying' to lose weight and seriously need to do something before I learn we have been given the green light for the TC 10. I do not want to be carrying around this extra 10 lbs while running. My knees took enough of a beating last spring with the extra 25 lbs from the pregnancy.

Today I go run with a coworker and am not all that excited. Ms. C did not have a good night and was restless, meaning mom did not sleep and was equally restless. When I got up at 4am to tell Pete to come to bed, the cat puked. I mean really. Can't a girl just get some sleep.

How this turned into a post about sleep I don't know....

Anyway. My point is, I will have to figure out what I can to do get back on track. No more sweets after dinner. Smaller portion sizes and I'm seriously considering dropping my weight training and adding back in the cardio. I hate to stop lifting, as I do enjoy that activity, but with only running 2, sometimes 3 days a week, I will not be prepared for any race. Urgh. This getting old thing sucks.

Laugh out loud

2008-07-11T09:36:00.002-05:00

Thanks Carrie! We had a great time viewing your movie last night and laughing out loud. Well done. I am so very proud of you and that you have followed your dream. And I was delighted to actually get to see Ms. D in person. Love her.

Invincible no more

2008-07-10T16:42:00.002-05:00

My women's softball team beat our sister team last night, 14-13. This has not happened in the nearly 10 YEARS I have been playing in this league. And what a fanstastic game. I always enjoy it more when both sides have a fighting chance. It makes my senses come alive. Needless to say, our sister team was stunned. Simply stunned. Little did they know when we played them earlier in the year that I was watching and putting together a line up specifically for this game. Hey. It's called scouting out the other team. Take note - we're on fire!!

TC 10 Mile

2008-07-08T08:53:00.003-05:00

My in-laws and I are registering for the TC 10 mile. I haven't run a race since the last time I ran this course in 2006 before becoming pregnant.

I'm not sure I am ready for this. I think I should have started with a couple hundred 5k races before getting back into mid-distance runs. Oh well. The race is a lottery so we won't know if we are in until July 18th. In the meantime I need to maintain the thought that we could get in and get my butt in gear. I haven't been able to make it past 3 miles on a run. How the heck do I think I'm going to make it 10? Yeesh. I used to kick out 5 miles without question. What happened to me?

Today is a run day so I'll go pound the pavement during lunch and see if I can get my head back in the running game.

Bang! Kapow!

2008-07-07T12:01:00.002-05:00

The 4th has come and gone and nary a firecracker was seen at our house. Heard is another story, but so it goes. Lucky for me, Ms. C can sleep through most noises. The white trash episode on Friday was another story as it occurred while she was going down to sleep, but in relation to what Carrie experienced, it was nothing. Just a couple f-inheimers thrown around and my neighbors coming out to tell their son's (who should be living on his own, btw) friends to shut the hell up. Since they were already taking care of the matter, Pete returned to watering the lawn and I returned inside with Ms. C. I brought her onto the deck since she typically has a calming effect on drunk 25-year-old-testosterone-filled-idiotic guys trying to impress equally drunk 25-year-old scantily-clad girlies. Makes them think what might come after the hook-up, me thinks.

We took the girl to the first of what are sure to be numerous parades. We were actually late and missed the first run through but since we were in Afton, the only way the parade could return to its original starting place was to come up the road again. Lucked out. Then we hung out at the park and enjoyed the baby swing. Kids running around everywhere and Ms. C spent most of the time picking up sticks, as is her passion, and watching the big kids.

Two new teeth sprouted last week so the weekend was partially filled with crankiness and short fuses. She and I spent some time in the pool on Saturday. She took two spills but kept her head out of the water and didn't seem to be scared of the water. She walked around with her bath toys and splashed away. It was a good experience for me to see my babe able to keep herself upright, even when she slipped. I have been reticent to let go of her but know that she needs to experience things to learn. Urgh.

Then it was off to a BBQ with a small group of friends. Ms. C thoroughly enjoyed watching Wiley-dog (a huge love of a dog) walk around. She didn't reach out to touch her but didn't flinch when Wiley came over to lick some food off her face. Ms. C just followed her around and had a blast playing with her older buddy Logan's toys, chatting with Auntie's Robin and Jackie and checking out the new grass.

Both of us were too darn hot and cranky to do much yesterday so we spent the day playing on the deck or inside in the air conditioning.

It's hard for me to return to work after a three day weekend when she stands at the gate and says mama. I am dreading, simply dreading when I have to begin dropping her off at daycare at the end of next month. It's killing me. I am still waffling between the home daycare across the street and the center. I don't want anyone else to take care of her but I know that isn't realistic. Her dad needs to work and that's how it goes. She is a tough little cookie and will probably end up loving it but I don't want my baby to have to deal with separation-anxiety. Hmph. Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit and she won't give a hoot that she's not at home with dad. We'll have to see.

Just in time!

2008-07-02T10:18:00.004-05:00

UPDATE: Kennedy Ann was born on Wednesday evening at 8:49pm, weighing in at 5lbs 9 ounces. Congrats Jen & John!!

My friend is having her baby, my friend is having her baby!

Her water broke while we were shooting her pregnancy photos last night. Holy cow. Thank goodness we got those photos done last night! Now I am impatiently waiting for news on Baby Girl S!

Makes you think

2008-06-19T12:08:00.003-05:00

My BIL told me about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch last week. More info can be found here. Holy crap.

Believe

2008-06-19T09:55:00.004-05:00

It's a humbling experience to see how fragile life can be and a reminder to appreciate what one has and has been given.

A friend of mine came very close to death last week. She's been dealing with cancer for the past 5 years and her lungs finally gave up and stopped working a little over a week ago. She was rushed to the hospital and intubated. The last week was a bit of a blur as we waited to hear how she would pull through, reading her CaringBridge journal every time it was updated, signing up for meal coverage and praying. She is now out of the hospital and growing stronger each day. Her turnaround is not only amazing but a testament to how white light and energy can impact a person.

Over the last several days I have been reminded to be thankful that I am healthy, my family is healthy, that I am surrounded by love, that my friend is a strong, beautiful human being, that there is strength in numbers and that thought and prayer really can be a powerful force. The outpouring of support and energy has truly been an amazing thing to experience.

Last night our softball team played in honor of our friend. One player's husband brought a video camera and recorded the game so it could be burned onto a DVD for her. It sounds silly but, despite our loss, the energy at the game was so positive you could nearly taste it. We had a great time (as we always do when we play) and made some really funny bloopers that are sure to bring out a laugh or two. And it was inspiring that our first basewoman returned to the field last night after beating HER cancer and having reconstruction surgery in early May.

One of our players had a vision last week that by the end of our season our friend would be back on the bench, watching us play. Here's hoping it can come true.