Mediocrity

Some days, most days really, I feel mediocre. I have big dreams of making an impact in this world and when I get to work, whatever work I'm in, I don't seem to have the magic to make it happen. Call it a lack of attention to detail, failure to delegate, inability to see the huge big picture and put it all together in a heartbeat, whatever... I just can't make it happen. I'm middle of the road. No superstar. Someone who people just don't think of when it comes to a new role or opportunity. I know I should be happy with where I am, I make pretty good dough, I can go home and not take my work with me, and my bosses essentially like me. But I'm not sure I'm done. I'm not sure this is where I want to cap out on my career.

I feel stuck. I feel stupid. I feel inadequate. And at the same time I feel underutilized. It's like... there is something out there I could do that would be effective, fun and motivating. But I can't find it. Or I am kidding myself that 'that' something exists. Today is a day when I feel like it doesn't. That I am just kidding myself. That I am anything but a drain on society and I'd be better of sitting in my cube and not raising my head. Because I don't really bring anything to the game anyway.

What am I good at? I have no idea. Connecting people to other people? Matchmaking in the corporate world, to some degree. I wish there was a way to make a living off connecting people. Only becuase I love learning about people and helping them find other people who can help them and grow. But alas, there isn't. So I try to put out product that inevitably gets ripped to shreads and all I am is a glorified admin for a couple of blokes who apparently think I have no effing brain.

Pink Glove

Little Ms. C-ism

Said to me last night after she pooped in her diaper and I commenced the cleaning process, "Are you getting all that junk off me, mom?".

I nearly died laughing. Where she comes up with some of this stuff, I'll never know.

Minnesota State of Mind

What fun!

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Road trips

I've debated taking Little Ms. C somewhere warm the last two winters. My SAD gets me this time of year and I need an escape. Based on the new TSA regulations I will drive before I put her on a plane. I understand that the TSA regulations are there for our safety. Really I do. But not allowing movement for the last hour? Get real. And then I read that if you are flying out of Canada to the US you cannot bring on a carry on. Do these people want parents to fly? 'Cuz it ain't happening if I can't bring several books, a DVD player and food for my child. Kinda sad, but I'm not fighting that battle. I've been on flights with lovely children who go crazy-mad when cooped up for several hours. Hell, I can understand. I get that way myself on long flights.

So if we go anywhere, we will road trip. This is what we did when I was a kid and for the most part I enjoyed it. Not sure if my parents did, but we saw more of the country, were able to get out and stretch when we needed to and could eat and read whenever we wanted.

Looks like the oil/gas companies will be getting my $$$ over the next several years. The only flying I'm doing is if it is just me.